It sounds as if you're moving in the right direction. You need to get more control in this relationship. Your oldest son is dictating all the terms of your relationship. He decides when/if you see him, what the interaction will be, and he takes but only gives back enough to manipulate you.
I'm sure there is a story from his point of view too and we are only getting yours right now. But I feel that whatever story he told, yours would be much closer to the real situation.
I think you may need to be more clear with your youngest son and rather than telling him that you need to know when Jim is in the house, you need to make it clear that Jim is not allowed in the house.
The situation sucks but it can get better. It will not get better unless you take this hard line. Like others who posted here, I have seen this situation before. A close friend has gone down a similar path and remains on it today. His family and friends have all tried to help to no avail. I suspect that he has lost hope. He was an incredibly bright and outgoing person who chose a lifestyle which has led to drug addiction, theft, violence, and massive health problems. Sharing needles and/or unprotected sex has left him with HIV and the Hepatitis alphabet. I seriously doubt he will come out of this spiral. Many of us enabled his behavior and a harder line earlier in the situation may have made a difference (I doubt it but you never know).
I feel for you in this but I also have a sincere belief that it's not too late for your son.
__________________
Strive to be more curious than ignorant.
|