Double D

It's funny, though it might have seemed to take guts to ask for help, it really was fear that had me turning to my community here.
I was very much afraid of not being strong enough to deal with this the right way, and I hoped to gain strength from the knowledge and experiences of people here.

I'm still overwhelmed at the outpouring of caring concern, straight up advice, and especially that in trying to help, many of you bared parts of your lives to me--that means so much and it completely overcomes the lack of voice tone and of not being here in person. I'd still like to give and get those in-person hugs, though .

Couple of short things, then an update.
One, the car payments that we will have to take over because we co-signed: We can't in any way change the contract with the loan agency to get the car in our name. There was a situation where my son disappeared for three months, not paying his bills of course, and we called the loan company then--no dice.

Two, he's got all kinds of court cases pending. He can't go anywhere, never mind the military, until he deals with them. But I think the result, as he never takes responsibility and he keeps missing court dates and failing to pay fines, is that he may get some jail time.
We've strongly suggested the military several times, and he has talked to a recruiter--took the tests-- and he's bright (on paper, anyway) so he scored well. The recruiter told him, though they didn't take people with only a GED (high school equivalency), there is a loophole in which my son can claim to be *home-schooled.*
When it came down to looking like a reality, my son refused to take calls from the recruiter and now I don't know if his arrest record would prohibit any branch of the armed forces from taking him, but it's moot really, since he won't go.

Update:
We live in a two storey condominium, so he can get in the building. From there he can get in the building's basement/laundry room which connects to our downstairs, and my spouse found him there yesterday, brushing his teeth. My husband demanded my car keys, and then my son fled to a waiting car.

Prior to this, his little brother let him in the house while I was sleeping and after spouse had left for work. (I had stayed awake most of the night before waiting for him, and had finally crashed.)
My 10 y.o. son was unsure of what to do--I'm not sure if my 20 y.o. son told him *not to wake mom,* but even after I got up, he was downstairs in the finished basement, where he has his bedroom and I was never aware of it.
This is another sticky wicket as *Chris,* my youngest, though he's seen much of the crap *Jim* has pulled though the years, still loves his brother and is torn between that and knowing that what Jim is doing is wrong. He tries to walk the line of neutrality, but Jim exploits that, of course.

I talked with Chris yesterday, reenforced that I need to know if Jim is in the house and that none of this is Chris's fault, as little kids will take on guilt for things they have nothing to do with.

We feel fairly sure that we'll need to call the police when Jim decides that he's entitled to be in this home, I'm betting by week's end. Until then, I'm working on keeping my chin up and pushing away thoughts of Jim going hungry or being sick out in the streets.

Some irony:
I left home at age 18 and moved clear across from East coast to West. I had no job skills other than retail and man, was that a lesson learned. For several years, I had to choose between eating and putting gas in the car (so I could get to work--no mass transit in Orange County, CA back then).
So I went hungry a lot. It obviously didn't kill me and it won't him and I did learn from it--that I needed to get skilled and make money to make a life. This hasn't sunk in for him yet because there's been an open door and refridgerator here, as well as a nice bed that he's spent way too much time sleeping in.
That is done now.

It's really painful; it's a deep loss and I know it's going to get worse before (or if) it gets better.