Johnny Rotten

Here's something I wrote in a journal of mine...

Every once in a while I get a flash, kind of like deja vu. I find myself in a situation I remember being in before. The thing is, I remember having seen it in a dream, very vaguely, rather than having been there before. Today I was opening a box of magazines in my office. Angles, colors, objects seemed to resolve into a mental picture I suddenly remembered seeing vividly, in my sleep. What to make of it? Is it only my imagination? Are these scenes only sufficiently similar to fool my brain into the illusion of a temporal echo?

I guess I should give some more context.

Warning: long story ahead.

Back in high school, I had a very bad dream one night. There was a Bible before me, its pages flipping on their own, more and more rapidly, the book seeming to age before my eyes as well, with an increasing red glow everywhere. I felt a presence of evil which persisted after I woke up, very briefly, but very, very strongly. A trick of the mind, very possibly, but nevertheless very frightening for a non-church-goer and, at the time, an agnostic. It was a rude awakening, literally. I sat frozen, half-up out of bed, my eyes as wide as saucers, afraid even to move. And although I was agnostic, I had a crucifix on my bedstand. More because I have an active imagination rather than because I was necessary religious or a follower of Christianity.

Once I gathered up enough courage, I grabbed the crucifix and held it to my chest and prayed to God. Tears streaming down my face, I said that I wished someone could be there with me right then. Specifically, a girl I had a ridiculous infatuation with but had nevertheless created a kind of bond that was more than casual friendship and less than attraction (on her part, natch). I prayed that she could be with me right then, to comfort me. Platonically, in case you were wondering. I stayed curled around that crucifix, hidden under my blankets, until dawn began to peek over the hills. I felt relatively safe at that point, safe enough to steal some sleep back.

So late in the morning, after I'd woken up and had breakfast, she called me. This was not unusual. What was unusual was her reaction to my story. She was incredulous. In a creeped-out kind of way. This is what she told me:

She had a dream that she was driving in the area around my house and had the sudden urge to go and see me. When she got there, she found me sitting on the floor, looking very concerned. She asked me what was up, and I told her "I had a bad dream." She stayed with me and comforted me. She said we read some comic books together, as I recall.

Then there was the time my brother had to go to the hospital because of a sports-related head injury. I was very scared that he wasn't going to be okay and prayed fervently to God that he would be okay. He returned later that night, seemingly without any of the problems he'd left with, and has been fine since then. I asked my Dad what happened, and he said my brother just seemed to come out of it at around 9 PM. The same time I made my prayer.

Coincidence? The Hand of God? Depends on who you ask, I guess. To make a long story short, I've had what appears to be a few brushes with some mysterious occurences, and wonder if these occasional dream deja vu flashes are more than the brain crossing some wires.

Whatever the case, the deja vu thing always brings me a sense that I'm on the right track, as in, "Man, I dreamed this long ago, and here I am, living it. That must be a good sign."

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"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine