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Really arm position doesn't matter much. Just do what's more comfortable. Do note, however, that some people will say that having your hands behind your head is in bad form, but it's acceptable as long as you aren't using your arms to hold your head up. Also, sticking your arms out can add weight in different spots can give you just wee little bit more resistance.
For obliques you may want to do more crunches, but at an angle. Kind of roll over onto one buttcheek (but not onto your side) and do crunches with a slight twisting motion. Do it on each side.
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