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Your son sounds a lot like my younger brother. He had stolen thousands of dollars in cash and property from my Mom and I and been in and out of juvenile hall, only to come back and cause more problems. I told my Mom, you have to kick him out, I can't live like this, and you can't live like this. My mom didn't have the heart, so I scavenged every cent I could find and found a shitty apartment on the bad side of town and starved, which made me happier than sharing a roof with him.
My mom finally broke down when my brother tried to kill her with a pair of scissors. He couldn't bring himself to do it, and sort of kicked himself out, this was about 3 years ago.
Things have been really rough for my brother since then, but he's been doing a lot to clean himself up, he's back on speaking terms with the family and he's off drugs. He still can't hold a job very long, but he's working more often than not, I'm still trying to convince him to finish high school. It took the constant threat of death in a gutter to make him set his priorities straight.
The whole situation made my Mom a wreck, as I imagine it's doing to you. It hurt my Mom so much to turn her back on my brother, but he was only going to take advantage of her again. Neither you or your husband deserve what he's putting you through, and your stepson definitely doesn't deserve it.
I hope your son smartens up and you and your family have my sympathy.
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