Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Sex with someone who's had sex with someone you know...

neoinoakleys · 08-04-2003, 10:39 AM

Been there done that, and had it done to me....

I am not going to dwell on the specifics, but here is the moral of the story...

There is an unwritten rule between my friends that we just don't o after girls that one of us has had, or had an interest in having. This keeps things on a very trusting level. Last thing we want is to constantly be double guessing my friends' motives and interactions with females.

With this said, I would tell you to re-evaluate how much this friend of yours means to you. If the relationship with this girl goes sour, or even if it works, is worth loosing this friend over this girl. In my experience, you keep friends for a lot longer than you keep a girlfriend. There are MANY other fish in the sea, why go after this one??

It really doesn't matter what the friend says, even if he says for you to go for it...how do you know this friend didn't just say that to seem like a nice guy, or to seem like he is a bigger man and doesn't want to seem like a prude, but deep inside he is uncomfortable with the whole idea??

Again, my question is, why would you want to put yourself in this situation???

I have a very large group of friends. This includes guys and girls. We regularly hang out together. I will admit that some of the girls in our group are ex-GF of some of the guys, but we are still a happy family of friends and we won't date these girls since they are one of our buddy's ex. Also, what happens if one of us DOES date one of these ex's? How would that affct the dynamics of the group?? And assume for a second if this relationship ended badly...how would THAT affect the dynamics of the friend circle? People would feel like they would have to choose sides, and suddenly we won't be able to just invite everyone to our gatherings because we won't know who will have a problem with whom.

In my experience, there are always feelings tied with an ex. No matter how insignificant the relationship is, and you want to be able to trust your friends.

Imagine if you were with a current girlfriend, and one day you just have a fight. Do you really want to be worried that one of your friends might be putting the moves on your girl, in the emotional state that she might be in? It's all about trust, man.

Also, doesn't it seem a little hypocritical?? If this was a good friend, then he was probably pouring his heart out about all of the problems he might be having in his relationship with this girl and you would have given him advice and maybe even comforted him, wouldn't that guy feel totally betrayed if you hooked up with her later. The trust would be gone...

There is only one girl that you will end up with in the end (unless you believe in Polygamy), so chances are that this girl is not the one you will end up with, and even if it is, why would you put a friend through the turmoil? Chances are better that you will have tons of friends and these friends will be there longer than this girl. Instead take your buddy out for a few beers and go looking for a couple of new girls, forget your buddy's ex...

Even if you do this with one friend, all the rest of your friends would start to not trust you around their GFs for fear that if anything goes wrong in their relationship, you might try to move in on them...

Just put yourself in their shoes, noone wants a friend they can't trust...

Untrustwothry friends have no place in my life...

08-04-2003, 10:39 AM	#18 (permalink)
neoinoakleys Psycho Location: Michigan	Been there done that, and had it done to me.... I am not going to dwell on the specifics, but here is the moral of the story... There is an unwritten rule between my friends that we just don't o after girls that one of us has had, or had an interest in having. This keeps things on a very trusting level. Last thing we want is to constantly be double guessing my friends' motives and interactions with females. With this said, I would tell you to re-evaluate how much this friend of yours means to you. If the relationship with this girl goes sour, or even if it works, is worth loosing this friend over this girl. In my experience, you keep friends for a lot longer than you keep a girlfriend. There are MANY other fish in the sea, why go after this one?? It really doesn't matter what the friend says, even if he says for you to go for it...how do you know this friend didn't just say that to seem like a nice guy, or to seem like he is a bigger man and doesn't want to seem like a prude, but deep inside he is uncomfortable with the whole idea?? Again, my question is, why would you want to put yourself in this situation??? I have a very large group of friends. This includes guys and girls. We regularly hang out together. I will admit that some of the girls in our group are ex-GF of some of the guys, but we are still a happy family of friends and we won't date these girls since they are one of our buddy's ex. Also, what happens if one of us DOES date one of these ex's? How would that affct the dynamics of the group?? And assume for a second if this relationship ended badly...how would THAT affect the dynamics of the friend circle? People would feel like they would have to choose sides, and suddenly we won't be able to just invite everyone to our gatherings because we won't know who will have a problem with whom. In my experience, there are always feelings tied with an ex. No matter how insignificant the relationship is, and you want to be able to trust your friends. Imagine if you were with a current girlfriend, and one day you just have a fight. Do you really want to be worried that one of your friends might be putting the moves on your girl, in the emotional state that she might be in? It's all about trust, man. Also, doesn't it seem a little hypocritical?? If this was a good friend, then he was probably pouring his heart out about all of the problems he might be having in his relationship with this girl and you would have given him advice and maybe even comforted him, wouldn't that guy feel totally betrayed if you hooked up with her later. The trust would be gone... There is only one girl that you will end up with in the end (unless you believe in Polygamy), so chances are that this girl is not the one you will end up with, and even if it is, why would you put a friend through the turmoil? Chances are better that you will have tons of friends and these friends will be there longer than this girl. Instead take your buddy out for a few beers and go looking for a couple of new girls, forget your buddy's ex... Even if you do this with one friend, all the rest of your friends would start to not trust you around their GFs for fear that if anything goes wrong in their relationship, you might try to move in on them... Just put yourself in their shoes, noone wants a friend they can't trust... Untrustwothry friends have no place in my life... __________________ It's My Duty to Please That Booty!!