|
No pity necessary...
I really like the attention to detail (when she rolls her eyes, etc.) that lets you get way inside the minds of both characters. I always want to include details like that, but it comes out sappy every time.
--
"Enough already...I’m not always wrong you know..."
He started the sentence fine, but as he spoke he slowed.
--
That made me go back and read from "Enough..." again, understanding how you intended it to be read. That's a good effect, but you might get the same result without slowing the reader like so:
--
"Enough already..."
He started the sentence fine, but as he spoke he slowed.
"I’m not always wrong you know..."
--
I'm aware you probably tried it at least five different ways and would hate to change it now -- it's just a suggestion.
|