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You know, I was just thinking... hear me out... The more I think about your situation the more I think that you might need to see a doctor. Any mention of suicide rings big alarm bells to me and tells me that you should find the help you need and deserve.
Right at your age, my brother started feeling similarly and it turned out he had a latent onset depressive disorder. By the sounds of it - if this is what you have, it isn't a bad one. These situations can very often be successfully treated with medication. If you think there is any shame involved in this or in seeking a doctor then please put it out of your mind - or if anyone in your family is more interested in "shame" or "what the neighbors will think" of you seeking help for this potential type of problem. This is a new era and people are finally losing the stupid, old fashioned stigmas attached to this kind of medicine. My brother was correctly diagnosed and given the right medications. He is now a perfectly normal, happy, social and productive person. You wouldn't know him from me, or anyone else on this forum - perfectly normal with the right meds. Unfortunately, when he first started feeling bad in 1979 they didn't have the wonderful knowledge and meds that they have now. He suffered and was tortured by this problem, along with me and the whole family, for at least 15 years before medicine and technology caught up and started treating him correctly. If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong, and you waste an afternoon seeing the doctor. If I'm right then you save yourself needless suffering and get yourself cured.
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