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There's something i can't quite identify about the first part, that i don't quite know if it works. I've tried reading it aloud, and the end of every sentence seems to inflect downwards, if you know what i'm saying. The punch is never at the end of your thoughts, its always in the middle somewhere...
And i just figured it out. In the first work, you end sentences with objects, never verbs or descriptions. It's a terribly minor thing, but really distracted me for some reason. Variety may be the spice of life here...
The second work has a very different tone, and i couldn't really connect the parts together. Too brief to really engage with, but i liked the feel of the description.
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