Hail mundane shirt-removers!
I am followed around by a teaming cloud of vicious lampreys. I avoid these blood-sucking parasites for as long as possible. By the end of each day they have caught up to me. A suction mechanism brings the teeth of their oral disc in contact with my clothes tearing them to ribbons within seconds. They seek the succulent flesh that dwells beneath.
That is when I run into the house screaming for the wife to beat them off with a broom. I envy your more conventional way of clothing removal. I am, however, pink and hairless.
-GH