Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

uncle phil · 07-08-2003, 01:08 PM

New female-oriented prescription meds that will never make it through the FDA approval process...

DAMITOL: Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.

St. MOMMA's WORT: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering pre-schoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN: Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait until they moved out.

PEPTOBIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

DUMEROL: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause a dangerously low IQ resulting in the enjoyment of Arabian music.

FLIPITOR: Increases the life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN: Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person...can we get naked now?"

BUYAGRA: Injectible stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of shopping spree.

Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL: When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe that the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, or telephone number.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

SEXCEDRIN: More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache!" syndrome.

NAGAMET: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble.

07-08-2003, 01:08 PM	#1 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	Med Play New female-oriented prescription meds that will never make it through the FDA approval process... DAMITOL: Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours. St. MOMMA's WORT: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering pre-schoolers unconscious for up to six hours. EMPTYNESTROGEN: Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait until they moved out. PEPTOBIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting. DUMEROL: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause a dangerously low IQ resulting in the enjoyment of Arabian music. FLIPITOR: Increases the life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. MENICILLIN: Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person...can we get naked now?" BUYAGRA: Injectible stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of shopping spree. Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL: When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe that the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura. JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, or telephone number. ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers. SEXCEDRIN: More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache!" syndrome. NAGAMET: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble. __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.