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warrrreagl · 07-08-2003, 06:48 AM

Alfred Hitchcock presented the best idea for a perfect murder with "Strangers On a Train." In that movie, two complete strangers sit next to each other on a commuter train, and realize through their discussions that they each have someone in their lives they would like killed. One stranger proposes that they kill each other's nemesis; two murders with no motives, and hence unsolvable. I won't give away any more than that, but it's a damn fine movie.

The main thing that chaps my ass about the forensics shows is the amount of unrelated crap at each murder scene that draws their attention so strangely. For example, my mother-in-law has a Bichon Friese coffee mug atop one of the dressers in her bedroom. I can just picture the CSI goofs prowling around that bedroom if (God forbid) a crime should ever be committed there and encountering that mug. The TV dialog would go something like this:

"Hey, did you see this mug?"

"Yeah, it's a Bison Friese mug. So what?"

"Well, the deceased owned a poodle, and there are no family photos anywhere in the house of a Bichon Friese. Since this mug is displayed openly like this, it must be of great sentimental value. And since no one else in the family owns a dog like this, we can conclude that she must have had a secret boyfriend who owned a Bichon Friese. Since her phone records don't indicate a lover, we must set up round-the-clock surveillance at the funeral home, because I'll bet HE'S the killer."

And the damn TV show would head off in that direction. However, the true story behind the Bichon Friese mug is as follows: my wife and I wanted to adopt a tiny yip-yap dog several years ago, but we were unsure of the breed. For awhile, we were convinced we wanted a Bichon Friese, and we bought a Bichon Friese coffee mug at a gift shop while visiting her mother once. While packing to return home, we discovered that the mug might break, so we left it on the dresser. It remained there for years, and we eventually got poodles instead of a Bichon Friese. My mother-in-law never really knew why the mug was there, so she never threw it out.

Nothing sinister. Nothing evidentiary. Just a stupid damn mug.

I know that my own house is full of useless crap like that and it would totally confuse these TV CSI goofbags. I've just got to assume that everybody's house is like that, too.

07-08-2003, 06:48 AM	#5 (permalink)
warrrreagl pinche vato Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton	Alfred Hitchcock presented the best idea for a perfect murder with "Strangers On a Train." In that movie, two complete strangers sit next to each other on a commuter train, and realize through their discussions that they each have someone in their lives they would like killed. One stranger proposes that they kill each other's nemesis; two murders with no motives, and hence unsolvable. I won't give away any more than that, but it's a damn fine movie. The main thing that chaps my ass about the forensics shows is the amount of unrelated crap at each murder scene that draws their attention so strangely. For example, my mother-in-law has a Bichon Friese coffee mug atop one of the dressers in her bedroom. I can just picture the CSI goofs prowling around that bedroom if (God forbid) a crime should ever be committed there and encountering that mug. The TV dialog would go something like this: "Hey, did you see this mug?" "Yeah, it's a Bison Friese mug. So what?" "Well, the deceased owned a poodle, and there are no family photos anywhere in the house of a Bichon Friese. Since this mug is displayed openly like this, it must be of great sentimental value. And since no one else in the family owns a dog like this, we can conclude that she must have had a secret boyfriend who owned a Bichon Friese. Since her phone records don't indicate a lover, we must set up round-the-clock surveillance at the funeral home, because I'll bet HE'S the killer." And the damn TV show would head off in that direction. However, the true story behind the Bichon Friese mug is as follows: my wife and I wanted to adopt a tiny yip-yap dog several years ago, but we were unsure of the breed. For awhile, we were convinced we wanted a Bichon Friese, and we bought a Bichon Friese coffee mug at a gift shop while visiting her mother once. While packing to return home, we discovered that the mug might break, so we left it on the dresser. It remained there for years, and we eventually got poodles instead of a Bichon Friese. My mother-in-law never really knew why the mug was there, so she never threw it out. Nothing sinister. Nothing evidentiary. Just a stupid damn mug. I know that my own house is full of useless crap like that and it would totally confuse these TV CSI goofbags. I've just got to assume that everybody's house is like that, too. __________________ Living is easy with eyes closed.