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Rat, don't take this at all personally. You seem like a nice person, but this is the latest in a string of questions like this I've heard/seen and I'm going to burst if I don't get this out.
I hate to turn this into a rant on our materialistic culture, but I find it disheartening that every occasion that used to be a meaningful ritual or mark a meaningful occasion has now just turned into an occasion to collect loot, so much so that we feel entitled to tell those who are generous enough to give us stuff exactly what to give us. Weddings used to be about declaring one's love and commitment in front of a community, not an excuse to invite 300 friends and family to finance your honeymoon because you can't afford it. Birthdays used to be about celebrating the very fact of your existence and that you didn't die this year. Gifts should be a happy side effect, the icing on the cake. The cake itself should be the love that people show you - you say the family get-togethers "waste" the day - the time will come when you will long for those people and regret the time you didn't spend appreciating them.
I understand the sentiment, however: gift-giving IS expected, and if they're going to spend money anyhow they should spend it on something I'll appreciate. I think your instincts about the crassness of asking for cash are appropriate. However, framed in the proper way, if someone asks you what you want, it would be perfectly appropriate to say "gosh, I'm just thinking about all those books I'll have to buy - some money for that would be more helpful than anything else if you really want to give me something." Otherwise, suck it up and give the unwanted loot to the Goodwill or something.
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."
- Anatole France
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