Quote:
Originally posted by SiN
and kinda ontopic regarding the thread..and it's topic..
i kinda believe that both partners have a responsibility in a marriage to do their best to keep the other sexually satisfied.
granted, that's only going to work if the rest of the relationship is good, etc..
i dunno.
good luck.
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I agree whole heartedly. No matter how much you like the person, in order for a marrige/relationship to work, you have to be compatible on all levels. This includes sex. Without knowing the other person involved, it's pretty hard to offer any sort of meaningful advice, but I'm going to make a brief attempt because this particular point hasn't been mentioned yet. (actually, all the core important points got mentioned by ratbastid, but this is something I feel strongly about so bear with or ignore me
)
I've known a couple of people who could be called prudes and seem to not be into sex all that much. Most of those people though were scared of something. That ranged from, 'I'm ugly' to 'I'm terrible in bed' to 'I'm a geek so no one wants me'.
The common thread between these of course is the lack of self confidence. These people all felt that they were undesireable, and had felt undesireable for a lot of formative years (teens and such) so they supressed much of their sexual desires. Supressing these thoughts and feelings for so long made it natural and a habit to do it. Thus, when a relationship appears, they are nearly unable to let themselves go and really open up.
The cure is easy in theory and incredibly difficult to pull off. The person in question has to have absolutely no doubts (on any level, this is
very hard to find out and isolate) that you have utterly dedicated yourself to them. Once they are convinced of this, it becomes a matter of showing them how incredibly beautiful/sexy/crazy/creative etc they are. Words are not enough on this front either, this is at the very least a part time occupation, so set aside time. And keep setting aside time, this job will continue until the end.
This is a slow process. In the people I've known, it required undoing many years of self degradation, which for them it was comforting. If you truly love this woman though, by which I mean everytime you talk to her you think, 'Goddamn, you're REAL!', then it will be worth it. You are in this for the long haul, what's another few months when you are looking at payoffs that potentially can last for the rest of your life.
Yeah,stuff.
Hope that made some sense and maybe provided some insight into something. Again, not knowing your exact situation, this might not be applicable at all, but maybe it'll help someone else. You know her, you love her and you are the closest thing to an expert on her, so use that knowledge.
Good luck.