motdakasha

What I say comes from a slightly skewed point of view since I think women can be just as much fun as men... and kind of like Double D, I'm almost a porn hound.
I agree with what Xapphire says and my post probably reiterates her points.

(Sort of disclaimer: It's almost 6 am here, so if my editing sucks, it's because I'm loopy. I tried not to invalidate feelings or imply other feelings on this board are wrong.)

1) Letting yourself feel second rate to fake women that don't exist. The airbrushed, fine tuned women you see in photos aren't real. They aren't all pornstars 24-7. At some point, they have to act "normal" like everyone else and go shopping for food, take shits, sleep, etc. IMO, the point behind pinup photos is that they are idealistic women that are for men to fantasize about. These women would never exist in this world. Once you hose off all that makeup, they look like you and I. And in my experience, strippers at least, are just as varied in personality as any group of women. They come in size bitch and size soft and cuddly... not all are attention whores. For the photos that aren't pinups, but amateur, the women often do it because a) it's fun and they enjoy it, b) they're proud of their bodies, or c) they are exhibitionists (none of which is something to be ashamed of, but to be respected due to the amount of self-confidence that involves).
If you really think about it, it's kind of silly. If your man is really looking for a woman as pictured in pinup/softcore porn, then he will never be happy or satisfied and it will show. I believe most men acknowledge these women aren't real. I agree with em1014, you should be more worried (but not paranoid) about emotional bonds with *real* women.

2) Beauty isn't the only trait that determines attraction. Sure, it's nice to be liked for your looks, but that's not all that matters. Substance matters more, I think. You can be the most beautiful woman in the world, but if you're a selfish, emotionally sadistic, vampiric, cunt only shallow people will date you for more than.. a day. Beauty is only part of the picture. If you're personality is beautiful, that might be all that it takes. Also, it's unfair to assume that if you're physically ugly by conventional means that no one would be attracted to you. (It seems to be implied in your post.) Consider this: http://www.disabledsex.org

3) I would be complimented by this. Why? Because in a roundabout/inarticulate way, he is telling you when he becomes aroused, he thinks of *you* and comes to *you,* not those women to whom you feel second-rate. When men view porn, they're not always fantasizing about being with the women at which they are looking. Perhaps you should ask him what he thinks about... Sometimes they look at porn beforehand to help uh, "prime" themselves. Some men are really insecure about having a limp dick. It would have been a different situation if he said, I can't have sex with you unless I look at porn first.
He told you when he gets aroused looking at porn he ends up thinking of you, so why are you jealous?

4) Problem? Solution? You're bothered by him looking at photos on the internet of other women. You've asked him to stop looking completely (which I think is completely unfair and uncompromising) and he hasn't followed through. Perhaps you should try to strike a deal with him (if you trust him): Make porn between the two of you if he'll stop looking at internet porn. A lot of couples find this many times more arousing than porn of other people. Maybe you'll learn to appreciate it more and he will most likely appreciate the hell out of it.
Another suggestion is to ask if he will share his porn surfing experience with you. If you're included, maybe you'll feel less hurt or bothered. You might learn to enjoy it. You might even learn something interesting and new. Maybe learn more about each other! Sharing this experience improves communication and enhances bonds in my experience.
(ranty) I don't see how you can expect to take porn away from him without giving some sort of substitute or make some sort of compromise so that he doesn't feel like he's getting the short end of the stick... *and* expect him to follow through. Denying porn is like an equivalent to telling your boyfriend not to masturbate or denying him sex. Again, this is just IMO. You know he likes it, yet you take it away.
Let's say you're 5 years old. I take away all of your toys and expect you to be just as happy as before. You're lonely and you find out your neighbor has some spare toys you could have. You have toys to play with again, yay. I find out and I punish you for it. Is that fair?
(assumption city) For the majority of men porn isn't a serious thing. It seems like some women make this a much bigger, serious issue than it really needs to be. Do you look at model magazines? Why isn't your boyfriend jealous and hurt by your actions? You're probably looking at other women, comparing yourself to her. Isn't that the same thing he's doing? And you've probably been looking at magazines for a good portion of your life.(/assumption)(/ranty)
Sorry. Couldn't help it.

5) As for going behind the back. I think that's just dirty. But you have to ask yourself, why is he doing it? Maybe he needs some leeway and more compromise. Or, it could indicate a negative trait about his personality. It depends on the situation and the people, really.

6) As for interrupting conversations due to gawking at other women, that's just rude. It seems different to me from spotting out a hot woman, pausing to share/enjoy the experience, and then continuing on with life. One is rude and exclusive, the other is fun and inclusive. Using the whole caveman response is bullshit to a point. We do have basic human needs (survival, breeding, etc.), but we do also have control over these needs. (another stupid hypothetical example If your SO was stranded on an island for a week and his only option was to wait until the rescue helicopter landed before he can he, do you think he would wait 20 minutes and control his hunger or would he go on a murderous cannablistic rampage? I doubt it would be the latter. Even in extreme situations we can exercise control over very primal needs.

Sort of a summation...
Ask yourself, would you rather him look at porn behind your back of unreal women online, or have him look to meet potential new girlfriend material from online or elsewhere behind your back?
If I were dating someone who was uncompromising with other things that she had strong feelings about (which in the process invalidates my feelings by disapproving them), I would probably develop wandering eyes at the very least.


My apologies for rambling nonstop. I'm done now. Finally.

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=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)