Perhaps if you approach your mother-in-law as a unique person with feelings and a personality, and not as a lesbian with all of the baggage that entails in your mind, you might be better off.
I know this isn't a perfect analogy, but imagine your m-i-l was hetero and getting married to a real ass, and nobody approved of the marriage but it made her happy. If her parents refused to come because they hated the guy, and you said, well, I can see why you're frustrated, but I can also see why your parents didn't come because, well, Bob's an ass and nobody thinks you should be marrying him....you'd expect that to ruffle a few feathers. Same thing here, only worse, because your/her parent's objections aren't even based on someone's personality but on their very identity. It's hard enough to find love without everyone judging you because you're different from the norm, but to have the people closest to you reject you because of it, that's harsh. You basically told her that you can see why her parents wouldn't want to be at her wedding, to the peson she loves, because of something she can't control. You don't have to approve of gay marriage, but you also don't have to rub salt in the wound.
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."
- Anatole France
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