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Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.
I hope that life isn't just one big joke, because I don't get it.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s a scenic route...
Chicken Little was right.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
When life gives you a lemon, wing it right back and add some lemons of your own.
Stupid? I don't know the meaning of the word!
To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question... or is it?
I had to dump her before she got old enough to figure out what an asshole I am.
Current death rate: One per person.
For Sale: One parachute. Only used once. Never opened. Small stain.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
There's an exception to every rule, except this one.
You mean gullible isn't in the dictionary?
Stick to your talent and the cows will be well tended.
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AAAAagh... I'm spent... 'till next time.
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If you're going through hell, keep going. - Winston Churchill
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