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raeanna74 · 06-24-2003, 08:23 AM

I have worked with Children for 17 years. I day care, teaching, tutoring etc. I have seen extreme cases in all respects including a child without lower legs and feet because of his mom's "punishment". That bothers me most is that they are bothering to make this law while still allowing abusive parents to have custody of their children at times. I think their powers should be excercised elseware first.
I have a 3yr old daughter (will be 3 in one month) who I have spanked on occaision. I have NEVER left a welt let alone a bruise. I have found that at times depending on the disbedience that sending her to her room for even 2 or 3 minutes is sufficient to get her attention. I have reserved spankings for times when her well being is in danger (ie. running across the road) and when I have no time to send her to her room or am not near her room. With a child that young, promising to send them to their room when you get home is not effective and only causes them to be confused. Immediate punishment is most effective.
Spanking must be done within guidlines. Those are:
1. Only spank when you are calm. If you spank in anger the child can confuse the spanking with your anger instead of realizing it was a consequence of THEIR actins. Also if you spank in anger you are not in control of yourself and could inadvertantly harm the child.
2. Only use your hand on their bottom or another item that is easy broken and not heavy. No whip like objects. My mother used paint stir sticks. They made a loud sound, did not cause a lot of pain, and would break if she used them too hard. A frying pan even if used lightly can cause damage. The paint stir sticks would not. A ping pong paddle works well too as it mostly makes noise and would break if used to hard.
3. Before and after give a brief explanation of the reason for spanking.
4. Afterwards show affection, give a hug, snuggle, etc.

As children my brother and I were at times given the option to chose our punishment, for example we would be grounded for our rooms for the evening or given a spanking. We'd often choose the spanking because even though it stung some it was brief and we could go on playing. Spankings were a consequence for disobedience and never an outlet for our parents anger. When handled right spankings can be one of many tools that a parent can use.

In my experience, the children who's parents did spank when necessary only were better behaved than those who reasoned with them and never spanked. I have seen children who hit their parents and then parents tried to reason with them about it. They didn't learn that violence from their parents example but they learned they could get away with it and only have to listen to "reasoning". Kids know what they can get away with. The consequence has to be harsh enough to be effective depending on the child.

Sorry so long. I feel strongly about this. Spanking should never be outlawed. Leaving bruises is already outlawed and that is sufficient.

06-24-2003, 08:23 AM	#18 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	I have worked with Children for 17 years. I day care, teaching, tutoring etc. I have seen extreme cases in all respects including a child without lower legs and feet because of his mom's "punishment". That bothers me most is that they are bothering to make this law while still allowing abusive parents to have custody of their children at times. I think their powers should be excercised elseware first. I have a 3yr old daughter (will be 3 in one month) who I have spanked on occaision. I have NEVER left a welt let alone a bruise. I have found that at times depending on the disbedience that sending her to her room for even 2 or 3 minutes is sufficient to get her attention. I have reserved spankings for times when her well being is in danger (ie. running across the road) and when I have no time to send her to her room or am not near her room. With a child that young, promising to send them to their room when you get home is not effective and only causes them to be confused. Immediate punishment is most effective. Spanking must be done within guidlines. Those are: 1. Only spank when you are calm. If you spank in anger the child can confuse the spanking with your anger instead of realizing it was a consequence of THEIR actins. Also if you spank in anger you are not in control of yourself and could inadvertantly harm the child. 2. Only use your hand on their bottom or another item that is easy broken and not heavy. No whip like objects. My mother used paint stir sticks. They made a loud sound, did not cause a lot of pain, and would break if she used them too hard. A frying pan even if used lightly can cause damage. The paint stir sticks would not. A ping pong paddle works well too as it mostly makes noise and would break if used to hard. 3. Before and after give a brief explanation of the reason for spanking. 4. Afterwards show affection, give a hug, snuggle, etc. As children my brother and I were at times given the option to chose our punishment, for example we would be grounded for our rooms for the evening or given a spanking. We'd often choose the spanking because even though it stung some it was brief and we could go on playing. Spankings were a consequence for disobedience and never an outlet for our parents anger. When handled right spankings can be one of many tools that a parent can use. In my experience, the children who's parents did spank when necessary only were better behaved than those who reasoned with them and never spanked. I have seen children who hit their parents and then parents tried to reason with them about it. They didn't learn that violence from their parents example but they learned they could get away with it and only have to listen to "reasoning". Kids know what they can get away with. The consequence has to be harsh enough to be effective depending on the child. Sorry so long. I feel strongly about this. Spanking should never be outlawed. Leaving bruises is already outlawed and that is sufficient. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.