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smarm · 06-24-2003, 06:30 AM

I have struggle with this one. I have 2 wonderful girls under 8 years old. One of the girls is very confident and a bit strong willed, which I consider very positive traits. The negative side effect of the willfullness is that sometimes she won't listen. I recently experienced something similar to what miked10270 posted, my girl walked away from a gathering we were attending (with me following right behind her telling her to stop). She turned a corner and I lost sight of her for a second and by the time I got around the corner she was gone. For 30 minutes I searched for her, I enlisted all the parents at the gathering, and eventually she was found in a restroom... I was absolutely terrified, ashamed, and embarrassed by the incident (and hugely relieved by the outcome). I spoke to her in no uncertain terms about that kind of behavior and told her there would be repercussions to her actions (we obviously immediately left the event). I discussed it with her mom and we made a decision that she REALLY needed to get the message on this one and I gave her a spanking.

This was easily the hardest thing I have ever done, and not something I ever want to do again, but I would in a similar situation. This was the first spanking I have ever given her, and I didn't do it when I was hot. I did not cause any lasting physical pain, but the sheer shock of the event seemed to get through to her. I guess that remains to be seen, however.

Our particular philosophy, which I don't think is necessarily right for anyone other than us, is that all other options need to be exhausted before physical punishment is used, except in situation where repeating the "bad" behavior could seriously endanger the child (or someone else). We would never... and I use that work with much trepidation... spank our child for a "table manners" offense, but actions like running across the road without looking, running away from her parents, or doing something that could endanger someone else are things that need to stop and stop immediately. Those are situation where I could imagine needing to resort to a spanking again. I also think the threat of a spanking will be much more effective if it is used infrequently (both the threat and the spanking.)

I also believe that as my children get older, reason and other non-physical forms of punishment will become much more effective. My kids are not older yet, however, so I have no experience to back up that statement. It just seems like there will be more "message sending" devices available as their world gets larger and spankings will be less necessary.

I may not be a great parent, and my methods could definetly be improved, but I don't think I have abused my child, and I certainly don't think that spanking should be considered criminal. Beating a child is different and inexcusable. I think the line is not that hard to find between beatings and spankings.

06-24-2003, 06:30 AM	#10 (permalink)
smarm Insane	I have struggle with this one. I have 2 wonderful girls under 8 years old. One of the girls is very confident and a bit strong willed, which I consider very positive traits. The negative side effect of the willfullness is that sometimes she won't listen. I recently experienced something similar to what miked10270 posted, my girl walked away from a gathering we were attending (with me following right behind her telling her to stop). She turned a corner and I lost sight of her for a second and by the time I got around the corner she was gone. For 30 minutes I searched for her, I enlisted all the parents at the gathering, and eventually she was found in a restroom... I was absolutely terrified, ashamed, and embarrassed by the incident (and hugely relieved by the outcome). I spoke to her in no uncertain terms about that kind of behavior and told her there would be repercussions to her actions (we obviously immediately left the event). I discussed it with her mom and we made a decision that she REALLY needed to get the message on this one and I gave her a spanking. This was easily the hardest thing I have ever done, and not something I ever want to do again, but I would in a similar situation. This was the first spanking I have ever given her, and I didn't do it when I was hot. I did not cause any lasting physical pain, but the sheer shock of the event seemed to get through to her. I guess that remains to be seen, however. Our particular philosophy, which I don't think is necessarily right for anyone other than us, is that all other options need to be exhausted before physical punishment is used, except in situation where repeating the "bad" behavior could seriously endanger the child (or someone else). We would never... and I use that work with much trepidation... spank our child for a "table manners" offense, but actions like running across the road without looking, running away from her parents, or doing something that could endanger someone else are things that need to stop and stop immediately. Those are situation where I could imagine needing to resort to a spanking again. I also think the threat of a spanking will be much more effective if it is used infrequently (both the threat and the spanking.) I also believe that as my children get older, reason and other non-physical forms of punishment will become much more effective. My kids are not older yet, however, so I have no experience to back up that statement. It just seems like there will be more "message sending" devices available as their world gets larger and spankings will be less necessary. I may not be a great parent, and my methods could definetly be improved, but I don't think I have abused my child, and I certainly don't think that spanking should be considered criminal. Beating a child is different and inexcusable. I think the line is not that hard to find between beatings and spankings.