Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Spanking (your children, not your monkey)

Gebbinn · 04-21-2003, 07:35 PM

I have kids, and they get spanked. As a child myself, I was severely abused, mentally, physically, and psychologically. I turned out pretty good regardless. However I know a person who was never spanked as a child, who now spends his days in and out of jail, rehab, and jobs, who contributes little to nothing to society, generally a real waste of flesh.

What is my point... I dont think there is a right or wrong to the argument of physical discipline. What matters is not wether or not you choose to strike your child, what matters is wether or not you nurture your child. I love my kids more than I ever imagined it was possible to love anything. They come to me with thier problems, they talk to me, we are a very loving family, but when the time comes, they know that if they are spanked, then they have done something very wrong, and it doesnt happen again.

Now, I dont spank my kids every day.. when they were young, a quick swat on the behind, or a smack on the hand was fairly commonplace, but that was never more than just a light swat, an attention getter if you will. As they grew, they learned right from wrong, good from bad, and realized that when they did wrong, they got punished, when they did good, they got loved. So now, spankings are reserved only for the most severe of punishments, when other methods dont work and offenses get repeated. After a spanking, negative behaviour stops... at least with my kids.

Someone mentioned "the reward system" which in a way is good, but can backfire as well. Case in point .. my neighbors. They use this method of "discipline" in a pure sense.. and thier children have grown to expect and DEMAND rewards, if they do even the slightest thing right, however they also know, and do not care, that negative behavior goes untouched.. so those children act as though they can do anything to anyone anytime and know they will face no recrimination. Granted this is an extreme case, but a pure reward system breeds that sort of attitude.

I personally think the best system includes both reward and punishment. But reward with love, and punish with love. My children know that if they are spanked, it is because they have made a mistake, and afterwards we sit down together and discuss why it happened, and how to avoid the same thing again. They also know, that if they come home from school with a good grade, they are going to get a big hug.

Each parent is responsible for raising thier own children. However we as a society are morally responsible for watching out for all children. Abuse is a very real problem, and we should care about it. Realize that spanking is NOT neccessarily abuse, and abuse is much much more than just spanking.

I lived six years of my youth as an abused child, three times in the hospital, once because I was forced to overdose on sleeping pills, once because I was thrown against a wall and beaten so badly I could barely breathe for 3 days, and once because I was sexually molested and had internal bleeding. No one knows more than I what abuse is. I am very very very careful with my emotions around my own kids now. I never strike them in anger, I never spank without explaining why first, and discussing afterwards.

Ok, im sorry im getting off the subject. If you cant tell this is a subject very important to me. I firmly believe a majority of the problems with the youth of this country come from parents who either dont care, or dont know any better, and more the former than the latter.

im done now, sorry for taking up the space with my ramblings

04-21-2003, 07:35 PM	#13 (permalink)
Gebbinn Crazy	I have kids, and they get spanked. As a child myself, I was severely abused, mentally, physically, and psychologically. I turned out pretty good regardless. However I know a person who was never spanked as a child, who now spends his days in and out of jail, rehab, and jobs, who contributes little to nothing to society, generally a real waste of flesh. What is my point... I dont think there is a right or wrong to the argument of physical discipline. What matters is not wether or not you choose to strike your child, what matters is wether or not you nurture your child. I love my kids more than I ever imagined it was possible to love anything. They come to me with thier problems, they talk to me, we are a very loving family, but when the time comes, they know that if they are spanked, then they have done something very wrong, and it doesnt happen again. Now, I dont spank my kids every day.. when they were young, a quick swat on the behind, or a smack on the hand was fairly commonplace, but that was never more than just a light swat, an attention getter if you will. As they grew, they learned right from wrong, good from bad, and realized that when they did wrong, they got punished, when they did good, they got loved. So now, spankings are reserved only for the most severe of punishments, when other methods dont work and offenses get repeated. After a spanking, negative behaviour stops... at least with my kids. Someone mentioned "the reward system" which in a way is good, but can backfire as well. Case in point .. my neighbors. They use this method of "discipline" in a pure sense.. and thier children have grown to expect and DEMAND rewards, if they do even the slightest thing right, however they also know, and do not care, that negative behavior goes untouched.. so those children act as though they can do anything to anyone anytime and know they will face no recrimination. Granted this is an extreme case, but a pure reward system breeds that sort of attitude. I personally think the best system includes both reward and punishment. But reward with love, and punish with love. My children know that if they are spanked, it is because they have made a mistake, and afterwards we sit down together and discuss why it happened, and how to avoid the same thing again. They also know, that if they come home from school with a good grade, they are going to get a big hug. Each parent is responsible for raising thier own children. However we as a society are morally responsible for watching out for all children. Abuse is a very real problem, and we should care about it. Realize that spanking is NOT neccessarily abuse, and abuse is much much more than just spanking. I lived six years of my youth as an abused child, three times in the hospital, once because I was forced to overdose on sleeping pills, once because I was thrown against a wall and beaten so badly I could barely breathe for 3 days, and once because I was sexually molested and had internal bleeding. No one knows more than I what abuse is. I am very very very careful with my emotions around my own kids now. I never strike them in anger, I never spank without explaining why first, and discussing afterwards. Ok, im sorry im getting off the subject. If you cant tell this is a subject very important to me. I firmly believe a majority of the problems with the youth of this country come from parents who either dont care, or dont know any better, and more the former than the latter. im done now, sorry for taking up the space with my ramblings __________________ There are 10 types of people in this world... Those who understand Binary and those who dont. I aim to please.. to bad for you I am a horrible shot. Every time you open your mouth, stupid comes out.