-Anders

A sad story, i think so anyway.

One time, while doing my last year in public school (10th grade)
One of my friends and myself desided we would have a bit of fun in the weekend, so we went back to his place (no this is not some homosexual thing, so it's safe to read on if you're a homofobic) and found a few girls on the internet he had been talking with a bit, they were at them time a year or so younger than we were (they were 15, and we were 16 and 17, me being the older one)
We arranged for us to take them to the movies (We saw 'What woman want' rather funny movie actually, starring mel gibson).
We met them later that night at the trainyard, at first my friend said to me that we should call it off - he told me that he felt they looked a tad young, i told him that it would be rather mean to the girls, beside - you're only one year older than they are, kiddo.
We went over to them and talked with a bit, and went to the movies, we saw the flick and went our sepperate ways. (They had to go home, oh the joy of being young - hehe).
we talked later the next day over the internet (IRC actually, if anyone here's familiar with that, you may know it as mIRC)
After a while the one girl (Sandie, main character of this story) told me that she was interested in my frind (Jonas, insignificant for the further story)
But nothing ever came from that, and she started to dislike him after getting to know him better. (He has that effect on girls, its a shame really).
Then nothing happened for a few years or so, i'm not quite certain of the timeline here.

But about a year ago (late summer 2002) I started talking with her (Sandie) again over the internet, this time alot as it were from my home where i now had access to a private computer and had internet acces.
We talked about everything, about how life were, how she felt about her downs.
She had those a lot, living with her boyfriend(note this) and having no job herself and him going to school everyday she was bored, and very unhappy with how things were.
As we got to be closer and closer friends we started talking about more intimate things, her love life, ex boyfriends (For her case, i can't say that ive had any girlfriends that were worth mentioning, but we did talk about them a bit)
We had long chats lasting several hours, from time to time even over the night. She did complain a bit about me robbing her of all her sleep, hehe. It's all in a good fun.
We talked about sex, (well, her sex actually, i am a virgin so i dont exactly have a lot of expierience on that field)
About desires, what i had tryed, her expieriences - favorite positions and so on. We both got a bit turned on by this, as she said 'I have to bite my finger if i want it to stay uphere'.
That night when i went to bed i thought to myself 'i wonder if we are getting a bit to serious with all this, after all – she does have a boyfriend.'
Even tho' i did like her alot, i felt bad about talking about so serious thing when she were with her boyfriend (They have been together for over 2 years now).
But i kept quiet about it for some time.
But one night after i had been drinking by my self (I did that some time ago, finishing a bottle of white wine over the evening, just to catch a little buzz) and went to bed i recieved a sms from her (We communicated that way when her boyfriend fell asleep).
It read something along the lines of 'You know Anders, your person really turn me on'
Being a tad drunk i had some difficoulties answering in an orderly manner, but i did manage to tell her that i felt the same way, even moreso i was really starting to like her alot.
But trying to be the gentleman i thought i were (note this) i told her that it was proberly not a good idea if we spoke more of this, as she were deeply involved with her boyfriend.
We managed to be friends for some time, and not talk about that or anything like that.
And not speaking about love and relationships, lust, desires and those things.
After a while she told me that she was not happy with living together with her boyfriend, she needed time alone and wanted to move back in with her parents.
After a few months or so, and alot of discussing this, both with me and with her boyfriend ofcourse, she went for it and moved back to her parents.
Now things really started to pick up, we talked almost non stop when we were both at home (Wich we were alot).
I kept getting more and more in to her, basicly having a huge crush on her, but i didnt think i could tell her, i felt ashamed for feeling that way about a girl that were already 'spoken for'.
More time passed, we talked and talked.
I started calling her up on the phone alot, talking in the evenings (Spending alot of cash that way, i didnt have much left after the phone bill, hehe.).
One day, after letting her know that i were going down to grab some dinner i came back to the message left on irc 'This isn't funny anymore Anders, i think i'm falling in love with you'.
Being quite shoked by that message i send her yet another sms, asking if she would come back to the computer so we could talk about this, she did (Thank god).
She told me that she had felt this way for some time, and really wanted to tell me.
I Told her that i had felt the same way about her for quite some time, but never had the courrage to tell her, and feeling bad about it too – i never did before she told me.
I now understood that this could get serious, alot more serious than anyting i've ever tryed before. (Not that it's alot).
We talked alot about how we both felt that night over the phone. (Perhaps i should let you know that she lives quite some way from me? I just did now).
We talked a lot more the following days, and now i'm really head over heels for her, yet failing to udnerstand how she could feel anything for me
(Imean, how could someone that smart beautiful and sweet feel anything for someone like me, you know – the usual jabber)
(IIWe kept talking, falling more and more in love with each other.
It culminated (Is that an english word at all? Insert 'happened' if it's not) with mee going to the town she lives in (Copenhagen, Denmark) to visit one of my friends and i told her that i would -really- like to see her.
We arranged to meet at the local mall and walked around a bit talking about this and that.
She told me that i should stop looking at her all the time, and i suppose i did do that, heh.
We walked around a bit, she joked about noone likeing her, i told her no but she insisted.
I then put my hand on her sholder and stopped her, eaned in and gave her a little peck on her mouth. I told her 'I like you, see?' Heheh. That wasnt all to clever, but she didnt mind to much, she just told me that i were crazy.
We sat down at a bench and talked a bit, she was a bit nervous that anyone she knew should see us, but that didnt happen.
We talked some more, and she leaned back and put her hands on the bench. (It's the type without a back, basicly just a small table if you know what kind i am reffering to)
After i had gathered all of my courage i put my hand on top of hers, and looked her in the eyes.
We both leaned tords eachother and kissed.
Softly, quitly – it was perfect. Her tender lips touching mine, our tounges softly caressing eachother.
I was in heaven. She asked me if i were nervous, because my lips were trembling.
I admitted that i were, she told me that she found it cute that i were that nervous over her.
I smiled and didnt know what to say. We looked at eachother a bit, and decided to move on, we got up still holding hands and started walking.
She let go of my hand and told me that she was afraid that we would be seen together, and asked if i felt bad about that.
I told her that i wasnt to happy with it, but it was her choise.
We walked over to the supermarket to buy some soda and chips for something i were doing later that evening. (No significance).
We walked out to my car and loaded it in the trunk.
She then told me that she had to go home soon.
I felt terrible, she was leaving me. I gave her a hug. But i couldnt let go, i just stood there holding here, telling her that i didnt want her to go.
I wanted this to last forever. She asked me if she could come closer to me, and i let her. We stood like that for atleast 10 minutes, she kept telling me that she had to go, but she didn't let go of me either.
After quite some time i finally let go of her, and she started walking away.
I took two quick steps up to her and wrapped my arm around her again, i couldnt let her go yet.
I told her that i loved her (I did, i may have been just 18 years of age, but then it's puppy love or whatever, i do know what i felt).
She couldnt get herself to say it, she is very shy by nature. She only told me over the phone.
After some time of silence, she told me that the last bus was going in 5 minutes and she had to leave now.
I let her go, it was painfull – but i had to. I watched her walk all the way over to the busstop and saw her dissapear from my sight.
I were as sad as sad comes.
I got in my car a few minutes later, after hoping for her to return.
She didnt ofcourse, so i drove back to my friend, i wasn't exactly in the best mood that night.
Life went on, we talked and talked and nothing really changed for some time.
But after some time, she told me that we needed to cool things down, this couldnt go on forever.
I told her that this isnt what i wanted, but i respect her wishes and tryed to back off a bit, it never really happened, but we did slow things down.
Not talking as sweet as we used to do, not talking on the phone all the time.
I got to be a bit depressed, my weekly highlight was when i got to talk with her on the phone.
After one night we talked about things like we used to, all sweet and perfect i recieved an sms from her at school where she told me that she had told her boyfriend about the two of us.
I was in chock. She actually told him about us?
I asked how he took it, and she told me that he was a bit sad but he managed it and told her that it was just something that they should both forget about.
I didn't really understand this, how could he be so cool about it?
Some days passed and i got her on the phone again and asked her about it, she said that she only told him about us meeting and me kissing her.
Nothing about the emotions involved, nothing about the fact that she willingly kissed me.
Ofcourse now i understood it better, that wasn't all that bad, so i guess he could forgive her.
I left the IRC network that they were both residing on, i couldnt let him face me with it, i would be torn apart.
We talked casually the next week or so, and she told me that she would be going with him on holiday for 7 or 8 weeks, and i told her that then we couldnt talk to eachother then.
She left last week, and we didnt speak with eachother at all.
Untill yesterday, se sms'ed me and asked how i was doing, and we chit-chatted a bit about nothing at all.
As i got home she told me to turn on my webcam so she could see me, i did and we talked a bit over icq while her boyfriend was at school.
I started feeling sadder and sadder about it, and ran out of there and layed down on the couch and thought about a lot of things concerning the both of us, and finally fell a sleep.
I woke up a couple of hours later, and went back tot he computer, there was a goodbye message there, and she was offline.
I Felt bad for leaving her like that, but it was too late to do anything about that now. That was the last i heard from her, but i hope she gets some time to talk with me again later, and i hope i'm not going to be such a jackass the next time.

If you're reading this Sandie, i left out some details that docent concern anyone else.
This proberly dosent either, but i needed to get this out of my system, letting someone know.

And Kim (Sandie's real boyfriend). If you are reading this, then i am sory that you should find out more this way, and not from Sandie Herself.

Thank you if you read through all of this, i hope you will not batter me for this, but i dont think that you will, this community is so much better than anything else on the web.

Sorry about the poor use of english, it is not my native language.

Please make me aware of any misspellings and incorrect use of grammar and i will correct it.

Furthermore, i am sorry about the formatting, but i wrote this out pretty quick and didnt take much notice of where i placed my linebreaks.

Anders Kraneled.

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