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The big thing here is that people really don't know what is in other people's minds, and have no accurate way to assess other people's intentions. As in many other contexts, people rely on heuristics, little short cuts that have worked in the past based on experience, that provide guides so that every interaction doesn't require an extended analysis. And of course, because different people have different experiences, mindsets and predispositions, different people will also have different heuristics. But overall, it seems to me at least that the vast bulk of people will default to the most common sets of reactions/coping mechanisms, otherwise everyday interactions simply wouldn't be possible.
MM did hit the nail on the head, though, when she said "The social compact dictates how you respond to polite requests, not how you feel about them." Feelings are almost irrelevant in most non-gemeinschaft interactions, or they should be. I wonder sometimes about people who are so caught up in their own feelings that they let their feelings define their reality for them, even as applied to other people. Narcissism really does puzzle me.
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