Originally Posted by zenda

Yes. Indeed I am. Am. It was never a career choice - if bad stuff happened in my vicinity, I couldn't not intervene. My only choice is to try to learn to do it with maximum impact and minimum damage.

I remain polite; also, I do not condescend - I judge it to be a subset of impoliteness - for I wish to retain clarity of the moral high-ground I am claiming. Strategically, the other is more likely to change when who they are is being honoured, or, put less nicey-nicely, I've given them less with which to dig their heels in, and less with which to distract themselves by justifiably taking exception. Also, the more they are kept, courteously, in the context of the issues than of personal feelings, the more it is they who are, and are seen to be, either facing issues directly and moving forward, or trying to wiggle.