Hi Darryl.
First off: agreement with all above advice. Re read it like I have ... churn it round again and again ... look at this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by chinese crested
Make some decisions about long term plans, things to aim for, what you would like to achieve - and never screw anyone else over the way you feel its been done to you.
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Heck yeah! Futures beyond the issues in this thread, and Darryl, step into the shoes of all involved, and as you plan your future, ask How would you feel if you were a pawn in someone else's Venge-Quest? Your present upset would be a drop in the ocean - partly because you've got a strong sense of right and wrong, and I'm thinking of, for example, that 'girlfriend' who would have a bit part in your plan. I am also thinking of any claim to 'moral high ground' or personal integrity you might wish to preserve. You cannot claim 'righteousness' regarding principles which you consider to be violated, but which you yourself are not willing to keep.
And I bet I am not telling you anything you do not already know. Remember in your first post, you said: "I have psychotic thoughts of hoping her experiencing a bad end."
I take that to mean that you, Darryl, being of sound mind, albeit angry as hell and frightened by your thoughts, already judge firmly against doing that kind of stuff, and against nurturing those intentions.
There are various ways of expressing those judgements. I don't know where you live, but in England, there has been a tradition for an offended party to scream at the offender "I'll bloody kill you", and at the same time as lunging to attack, he'd bellow "Hold Me Back" to his mates. He would lunge slowly enough so they could get to him and hold him back. He'll struggle hard enough for the 'other guy' to know he's serious and that he's 'only just' escaped a can of whup ass. I'm reading this thread yet again. Yup. Everybody here supports you against doing that kind of stuff or nurturing those intentions.
Oh Yes ... I, too, can understand anger expressed as bloodthirsty curses, and detailed scenarios of fulfilment. Solid enough to take them in both hands now, as you have, and put them on the bench for all to see, and know in company, as well as privately, witnessed by all here, that they are wrong. Whilst you are upset and angry as hell. And you are right to seek choices outside the ones you've mentioned, though I appreciate you have not seen them yet.
That and my previous post are all the 'food for thought' I have to offer you - they are my best "stranger on the internet" shot at standing firm for your welfare and for that of those around you. I will, however, commit to checking, fussing at you and encouraging you regarding the following:
Are you keeping your local caregivers up to date? You are seeking support, so it is right that you fully inform all your supporters, especially those who are in closest contact with you. That way, you will be properly managing your support teams, and we may each do what we can do best. And the sooner may you attain a future such as described by ChineseCrested.
Best wishes