RogueGypsy

Fuck! I must have typed thirty different responses to this thread and deleted them all. Most of them started with something about little people and their little minds, no, I was not referring to children. But I'm trying to take a more tactful approach to this, maybe the light will shine.

First let me suggest, if you do not have children of your own STOP! I don't care how much time you spend washing, waxing, repairing, designing, building, tuning or driving a car. You can not teach me how to drive Formula One, unless you've done it. You have no experience, therefore your opinion is mute. If you haven't done it, don't try to teach others how to do it. This is the beginning of many great failures. And a large part of the failings in our educational system, but that's another topic altogether. If you haven't done it successfully, just stop. Maybe, just maybe, this will prevent one senseless "Hey, Skeeter, watch this." moment.

On to the topic.

It all boils down to motivation. Motivating a child to behave in an acceptable manner, one that we can all live with and brings no harm to themselves or others.

Two emotions are at the root of all motivation, love and fear. Everything we do can be traced back to one or the other, often both. I am a fan of love and take that approach whenever possible. However, fear has it's place and is a necessary part of life. It can divert us from harm and it can empower us to face the unknown. Fear is a tool. As with any tool, if you don't respect it, it can take a limb or worse. Fear can cause harm as can love.

It has been my experience that love will motivate a child in most situations, but not all. When 'not all' roles around, you better have a game plan or shit is gonna go sideways fast. Then you're gonna have some nosy asshole in line at the grocery store, trying to tell you how to raise your child. This, in my opinion, is one of the only acceptable times to apply violence. No, not to the child. Now if that game plan entails a swat to the butt or a tap of the hand to get the child's undivided attention, so that you can correct the behavior. I find that totally acceptable, a little fear/surprise is a big attention getter. If it entails a swing and a hit strong enough for an infield double, you may find yourself wondering how you ended up cuffed, on the floor looking up at a couple of EMT's. As with all things, moderation is key.

And that my friends is what this conversation is sorely lacking, moderation.

Why does the popular opinion these days always lean toward extremes? It seems every time an idea is expressed; some 'Guru' or 'Expert' gets a hold of it, mulls it over while sculpting the shit in his diaper, has an epiphany, and announces it to the world as 'The Solution'. WTF are we so lost these thin straws of idiotic pablum is all we have? I think not. Start thinking for yourself, it has remarkable benefits. Combine other's ideas with your experience and you often get moderation. At the very least you're thinking for yourself and that's a step in the right direction.

Now I haven't seen anyone completely disregard discipline as a necessary tool in raising a child. So all is not lost. But I have seen a few examples of what I will call a disservice to your children. If you are not getting your message through, it is your duty as a parent to take the necessary steps to make yourself clearly understood to your children. If that means physical contact must be made, then so be it. Every child is different, some are just too busy in their own head to hear what you have to say. That can be a good thing if properly focused, it's how you make the Darwin List if not. A slap on the hand or swat to the butt, can and will save your child a world of pain later in life. Assuming, of course, that what you have to convey is real world experience and not some bullshit by a best selling author. And that, after all is the point, isn't it? To try to give your child the tools they need to live and prosper in the real world?!

It used to be real simple, children were told how to behave. If they obeyed, they lived. If they ignored the advise, the Lion ate them. End of story. Do you know why you're here today? It's because some Neanderthal beat his kids when they didn't listen. You can take that to the bank. Now, life isn't so cut and dry, but the Lions are still out there and they will eat you alive. Although we like to think we are more enlightened, or some how above violence. Children are not. Until your late 20's, you are still operating on the Neanderthal level. Enlightenment and transcendence comes with time and experience, which enables wisdom. Children have neither the experiences nor the time necessary to understand the experiences, which leads to wisdom. It's up to you to help them develop it before they are permanently scared by a lack of it. You have to think for your children until they can think rationally on their own. Sometimes that means doing things you might not like. Giving them your wisdom successfully, whether they want it or not, is the difference between being Skeeter or being the one saying 'Hey, watch this'.

If you reward your children for everything they do, no matter how poorly it's done.
If you allow your children to behave in a manner unacceptable to society.
If you teach your children that the world is all rainbows and butterflies.
If you force your opinion of child rearing on others by passing laws that disallow discipline.
If you do not listen to your children.
If you do not prepare your children for the real world.

You are every bit as guilty of child abuse as the drunk asshole that beats his kids every day.

One final note. I am a strong believer in the theory that "It takes a Village....". We develop all of our fundamental social skills, our basis for opinion, our diversity and our ability for rational thought through interaction with others. Without the thoughts and ideas of others, we're living in the shallow end of life. If your child is behaviorally unacceptable to his/her peers and/or adults they are forever destine to live in the kiddie pool of life. As a parent, do you really want to subject your child to that, because you read/heard somewhere some 'Expert', someone you don't even know, decided it's not right for you to make physical contact with your child as a means to educate/discipline? Do you think it's right to force other parents to follow this idea by making it a law? How many bad experiences have you had, because you acted on someone else's, unknown to you, wrong opinion? What are you afraid of?





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Methods, application and intensity of application vary by the individual. All legal wavers must be signed before 'treatment' begins. Self 'Medicating' is not recommend. However, if necessary, it is best to have an 'assistant' or 'soft landing zone' nearby. Any and all legal issues resulting from improperly applied techniques should be forwarded to: Dewy, Cheatum & Howe, Intercourse, PA 17534. Attn: Anonymous.