I'm assuming you are referring to the upper trap, 'cause that's where everyone has their issues.
Here's a top-secret move for you, Snowy: positional release.
The theory behind positional release is to shorten the muscle past the point where it can hold a contraction, keep it there for 2 minutes while the muscle forgets that it was holding a contraction, then slowly bring it back to the original position.
Crazy, isn't it? But it really works.
Lie on your stomach on your bed, left side facing the edge of the bed, and face right (because the trapezius is a contralateral rotator).
Have your husband lift your left shoulder slightly with his left hand, and push the entire shoulderblade towards your ear. Not a painful push, just shorten it up as much as he comfortably can. I often use the elbow as a push/stabilization point for this.
Hold for two minutes.
Slowly (say, a count of 10) bring the arm back to the original position. Then you can do any stretches that you have come across.
The same move (without the head rotation) can also help your levator scapula, which is another muscle that frequently spasms in that area.
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