It is you that is beating yourself up most. I guess you had dreams of a future - and the loss of those dreams is like a bereavement, and she is the murderer of those dreams. You are going through a period of grief, and I am glad you are getting some help and support. I once thought it was the worst, breaking up with someone you loved or love - but death itself is far worse. Now you stand up on your feet, and dust off your knees, and if you get a bit wobbly, you just reach out in this direction where you know people will reach back to try and help you keep your balance.
As for her. I think she is acting like a mean selfish silly little tart - who on earth would want to wear one of those on their arm.
Try taking borage - it increases the seratonin production in the brain, will take a couple of weeks to kick in. Obviously if you are onmeds, check before mixing.
Take care of yourself.
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