Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - She cheated, she says she's sorry. I still love her

Poetry · 05-31-2011, 11:24 AM

I've cheated on two guys ever, once when I was 16, once when I was 18 (and the 18 one, I realize, doesn't really count because I wasn't in a declared relationship-- only just casually dating a man who would eventually become my boyfriend, so it depends on your definition and boundaries of cheating).

The 16 was a long-distance thing, I was head-over-heels, etc.

As soon as it happened, as soon as I got my head together and realized what I had done, I immediately called my boyfriend and confessed. We split up-- it wasn't working out (he had cheated as well)-- shortly thereafter.

Haven't cheated since.

So, from the point of view of a person who has cheated in a long-distance relationship... she should have told you immediately. She should have called and said, "I just did x,y,z with this person and this is a problem and these are why the behaviors occurred and are you willing to stay with me and work on this or is this too much for you?"

That she hid it from you... not so good. Where's the trust now? Are you ever going to be able to trust her again, knowing that she might be hiding other indiscretions or future indiscretions from you? I certainly wouldn't be able to. I'd end the relationship on that alone.

Also, just think how much worse it would be if you do get married, move in together, and then discover you can't trust her. That you're jealous of every man, suspect infidelity constantly. You fight, you isolate her (if she lets you) and then you finally divorce.

Divorce isn't pretty, or so I've been led to believe. And you have to move, or at least she has to move and you remain in a house that you have all these memories of her in. Factor in potential kids. Factor in living in the same city and occasionally bumping into her. Factor in alimony or child-support. Factor in being a divorcee before thirty. Factor in the head aches and telling your friends and family that things didn't work out and you're splitting after all the time and energy and emotion they invested into you, your wedding, the gifts, the christmas dinners, etc. (Well, if family is a factor for you-- it certainly is for me.) Factor in the emotional damage and trust issues created for future relationships. Factor in rebuilding your life two (or whatever) years from now.

05-31-2011, 11:24 AM	#13 (permalink)
Poetry Crazy Location: Los Angeles, CA	I've cheated on two guys ever, once when I was 16, once when I was 18 (and the 18 one, I realize, doesn't really count because I wasn't in a declared relationship-- only just casually dating a man who would eventually become my boyfriend, so it depends on your definition and boundaries of cheating). The 16 was a long-distance thing, I was head-over-heels, etc. As soon as it happened, as soon as I got my head together and realized what I had done, I immediately called my boyfriend and confessed. We split up-- it wasn't working out (he had cheated as well)-- shortly thereafter. Haven't cheated since. So, from the point of view of a person who has cheated in a long-distance relationship... she should have told you immediately. She should have called and said, "I just did x,y,z with this person and this is a problem and these are why the behaviors occurred and are you willing to stay with me and work on this or is this too much for you?" That she hid it from you... not so good. Where's the trust now? Are you ever going to be able to trust her again, knowing that she might be hiding other indiscretions or future indiscretions from you? I certainly wouldn't be able to. I'd end the relationship on that alone. Also, just think how much worse it would be if you do get married, move in together, and then discover you can't trust her. That you're jealous of every man, suspect infidelity constantly. You fight, you isolate her (if she lets you) and then you finally divorce. Divorce isn't pretty, or so I've been led to believe. And you have to move, or at least she has to move and you remain in a house that you have all these memories of her in. Factor in potential kids. Factor in living in the same city and occasionally bumping into her. Factor in alimony or child-support. Factor in being a divorcee before thirty. Factor in the head aches and telling your friends and family that things didn't work out and you're splitting after all the time and energy and emotion they invested into you, your wedding, the gifts, the christmas dinners, etc. (Well, if family is a factor for you-- it certainly is for me.) Factor in the emotional damage and trust issues created for future relationships. Factor in rebuilding your life two (or whatever) years from now. __________________ "You know what? Fuck the moon! He controls our water and our women. I've had enough!"