waitforsugar

Waiting for someone to make up their mind about you for 8 months would make anyone feel nuts. You need to make the decision yourself that absolutely no one is worth this.

It doesn't sound like you can be her friend until you are over her. You can never heal wounds while letting someone play with the stitches, something that's been a difficult lesson for me as well. Stop calling her and for your sanity stop reading her blog. Block it if you have to. That way lies madness.

If the hatred is too much, I agree with dlish - it may be time to seek professional help.

Rejection sucks. Making yourself that vulnerable and hearing no is awful. I can't imagine keeping these wounds fresh for months.

Good luck Darryl