Quote:
Originally Posted by ratbastid
Here's the thing about where you are. You don't HAVE to let anything happen. You CAN pull the brakes and stop the whole thing. You absolutely can, you have that power and that right, and it's not a problem in the slightest to exercise them.
Ultimately, though, what you're going to have to deal with to be a functioning poly person is that the mistrust is YOURS and yours alone. And you don't HAVE to deal with it, but your choice is either deal with it and possibly be successfully polyamorous, or not deal with it and have no shot at that.
A good analogy: Let's say your refrigerator dies. One response to that is to say, "Well, I guess I can just never have cold food in my house anymore." Another is to dig into the fridge, figure out what's going on with it, and restore it to working order. This is like that. Your fridge is broken. And you don't HAVE to do anything about that, but if you don't, you don't get milk and cold cuts anymore.
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Exactly this. I've been in a polyamorous triad for over ten years now (don't think I'm in ratbastid's census, though) and my first thought when I read your post was that you need to realize you are BOTH getting in a relationship with this person. If you're not both comfortable with what's going on, things need to slow down, and more communication needs to take place.