Quote:
Originally Posted by Midnightskyline
How do you think I should ask without hurting her feelings or making her feel like she doesn't dress right?
Oh, and I just remembered a part of my fetish which is VERY strange....I like to find photos of women wearing shirts and Photoshop my girlfriend's head onto them. Now you tell me that getting sexual gratification from THAT isn't weird!!!!!!!!
|
How would your girlfriend actually wearing those shirts compare with the Photoshopped version? Is the Photoshop thing transitional - just a way of representing stuff you'd actually prefer to happen in your relationship with her? Or does each of them have inate value? And what other stuff might you like to happen?
You're wondering how to ask her without making her feel hurt or wrong? The first thing I'd ask is how, specifically, you know that your asking her would make her feel hurt or wrong? For all we know, she might be cool about being asked, as long as you're direct and specific. Because at the moment, it you who seem bothered and 'wrong' about your wish; so bothered that you've packaged it to her in ways which WOULD and did make it uncomfortable to her. Look:
"I told her that I had a fetish for clothes, which isn't strictly true. She simply said 'oh, right' and tried to change the subject."
Go ahead and "de-wrongify it." in your own mind and feelings, so that next time, you will be in a mood of "There's that shirt you look great in Pleeaaase will you wear it!", rather than "I've Got This FETISHHHHHHHHH". Also, while you're at it, why not make a list of other stuff which might be in your mind that you'd like her and you to do together? I'm not just talking about sex, because you're now burning up to ask her some very productive stuff - itches ready for a-scratching more directly than ever before, for both of you, and let's hope she's got things to ask you, too.
So when you consider the possibility that many of your desires may be far more acceptable than you have been feeling, and a prime factor to be "What's Ok between the two of you" - which can best be found out by asking in direct ways, then you've got an opportunity right now to practice directness, and also to clean-up that misunderstanding: "Darling .. about the other day ... I don't know why I said 'clothes fetish' ... heck it's a .. 'YOU fetish'
* is what I mean - for example, the way you DRESS ... WOW how come you look so good in stuff! And those shirts ... "
** Hang on ... this sounds familiar ... "those shirts ... I'd love to see you in those shirts"
I confess that I'm also silently shaking with laughter as I paint silly scenarios of your being damned for committing the Cardinal Sin of Shirting, or scenarios of myself getting arrested for interrupting loving couples with SWAT-style EVAC rescues of women's' teddy bears. "Ma'am, your bear is at risk, and will be returned after your man has gone. Don't thank me ... I'm just doing my job. And remember, folks: Please Look After This Bear".
I'm also laughing at when I was 15 ... my first kiss - I asked her, and my manner reminds me of yours with the shirt: I had the (for me = parentally trained) feeling of it being kind of Wrong, though rationally I knew it wasn't ... And I intended to say "Darling, may I kiss you" ... but it came out as "Darling, may I ... look I'm not some pervy sicko, OK? It's just that I would ... I like you a lot and I love holding your hand".
So I've got a lot of respect for you as you're tackling this head-on.
Take care
* Y'know ... I casually wrote 'YOU fetish', so's to diffuse 'fetish' away from 'clothes' and toward your link with HER. But it occurs to me I'd better check with you whether or to what extent 'YOU fetish' fits how you feel as you relate to her.
** A connection occured which is, IMO, more appropriate for that other thread: looking through her wardrobe is another example of 'looking through her stuff'. Is looking through her, or people's stuff a 'theme' for you? I'm not looking to judge, just to get clearer on your strong patterns of curiosity and what drives them.