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I think the key problem in this issue is that we are a society in transition - as we become more diverse (yay!) we have to put our money where our mouths are in terms of living up to our national ideals. Granted, the consitution, like the bible, is open to interpretation based on the mores and norms of the times, but it seems pretty clear that they had in mind a secular state. Not necessarily a secular NATION but a secular government at least.
And that's where the key problem is right now - we're going from being a largely homogeneous Christian society to being a very diverse one in which a plurality of opinions have to be respected.
The big problem with marriage is (as others have stated here) that its religious aspects and its civil aspects have been completely collapsed. There are many people who are married civilly but have no interest in the religious underpinnings of marriage. And the state recognizes those marriages with legal door prizes (automatic medical power of attorney, inheritance rights, etc.). It seems downright hypocritical to deny similar rights to similarly civilly connected people just because they don't fit the religious definition of a marriageable couple according to many religions. However, it's difficult if not impossible for some people who believe they have a monopoly on truth (and till recently have had a monopoly on government as well) to admit that as a country we are moving toward a more broad-minded and objective perspective.
The other big problem with this controversy is that people are not thinking rationally, they are thinking ideologically. Some people simply can't stand that other people don't think the same things they do. Their beliefs are threatened by science (most scientists agree that homosexuality is in fact a largely biological and not a purley psychological phenomenon) and by constantly being confronted by Others Who Do Not Believe As We Do. It's these people, a small but vocal minority, who can't stand the cognitive dissonance of having a gay couple be accorded the same status as a hetero couple.
I think we're on our way to a more rational, tolerant society (at least that's my hope) but it's just going to take people time to adapt to this idea, the way it took time to adapting to the idea of civil rights for blacks and equal rights for women. I hope that someday people will recognize that love is love is love, whatever it looks like, and there couldn't possibly be anything wrong with that.
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."
- Anatole France
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