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You smell like the basement of a Taco Bell. Your hair is its natural color. The hieroglyphs on your tattoo do not spell out what you think they do. You don't have any pot on you today. Your name was clearly created by a random letter generator. You have a maid. Everyone has already heard all of your stories. You're the new person, and you're not cute. Your dog is wearing a sweater. You pronounce the first r in February. You leak. People can hear you Capitalize certain Words when you talk. You refuse to talk about yourself. You reveal unattractive parts of your anatomy at inopportune moments. You try to get everyone to arm wrestle you. You're shiny. You always bum cigarettes off everyone and never have any of your own. You whine about your cat. You use your library card. Your proudest moment was taking a piss in the Grand Canyon. You giggle whenever anyone says the word 'come'. If something breaks, you insist on fixing it. You still haven't hit puberty. Your poetry doesn't rhyme. You never give your significant other flowers. The police smile and wave when you walk by. You vote. When someone beeps you, you don't answer. You offer your opinion. You never say anything during sex. You die. You can't express yourself. You stare at people while they eat. You don't know when to hang up. Every joke you make has already been made by Douglas Adams. You don't know how to spell. You type everything in all caps. You break the spines of books. You can't accept what the media feed you. All your children's names rhyme. You thought the London performance was better. You don't return things people lend you. You hate everyone.
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