Gosh, where do I start. I hit my half century a few years back. I am living in Hampshire, with my 'motley crew' as the vet calls them, my collection of - discarded by idiots dogs. Old gal passed 12. 04. 07 - she would have been about 22, her owner was terminal, and gave her and another 12 dogs over to rescue before she passed. Said she didnt want the in the house when she got home - but her giving them up - we knew she never would go home. Now thats a valid excuse for giving up on your pet. Taking old bean into our home and hearts - such a beautifull wee girl - to me.
May have guessed I am involved in animal stuff, I am a bit of a crock physicaly and the brain hasnt been the same since it blew up and got cut open. Every dvd - its like watching it for the first time. I plod along. I am a gentle person, but sometimes I could just kill people - guess thats like most of us. I used to teach - I used to swim, cycle run etc., now I plod - I have scoliosis of spine, and one hip is now higher than the other, so my gait is a bit odd, but the dog dances with me, and he doesnt mind. My health, I took for granted untill I met a lorry driver who was a pratt - wrong lane, no indicating - lorry v fiesta - the lorry won. Had I known then what I know now, I would have lumped him - think its covered under road rage - hitting men who have hit your car. Anyhoo, two grown sons. One lives here with me. I hope this place is a friendly as it seems. I enjoy debate - have been found in the corner with lap top chortling evily before now - but theres worse things to be doing. I have an interest in the enforcement of animal welfare laws - they are, like all laws, as good as the enforcement of them. I dont dig up grannys. Oh, and apparently I meander in conversations, guess I am a bit closer to stream than irrigation ditch. Looking forward to getting to meet you ladies.
---------- Post added at 08:54 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:39 AM ----------
Quote:
Originally Posted by slumberinglotus
Thanks Squirrel, I think that part of my problem is that every time I tried to figure out and question things I ended up getting hurt. I guess I could put a whole long explanation if it was so desired, but I am not sure if it should be just in the girls area only or if it should go out in general life or general sexuality or what not. I mean it seems to hit all areas. Life/Sexuality/Trusting etc etc. It was like every time I trusted and was vulnerable at all it ended up hurting me badly. I am afraid that the pain is what is making me more confused and fearful. Like I was starting to trust my feelings and what not and then I was shown that I couldn't trust my judgment in regards to things and so I questioned my other judgments and so now I am just a confused little lotus hiding wanting to bloom, but just slumbering.
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Little blossom, you dont need to hide and slumber. Listen to instinct. Dont try taking apart working relationships to see how they work - you wouldnt do it with the telly box now would you. Losing the ability to trust, I understand it, I really should suffer from it more - but still get taken in. It is quite important that you keep close to you friends and family you can trust, and take time getting to know people, relax and delight in their company. I dont know who taught you that you should not trust your judgement, I dont know your story, but you learn to make judgements, experience teaches you things. The world may well be full of rejects and rectums, but there are good people too - even if they do fear the nut house will be their ending. There are those with good heart too, they make it bearable. The gift of a smile will warm a person through most of the day - its easy to criticise and to forget to compliment.