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Originally Posted by Plan9
Guy was an asshole.
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Cimarron's post helped me get it.
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Originally Posted by The_Jazz
Chickenmuffin, I think that you really need to take a step back and try to analyze the situation as emotionlessly as you can. Think about what's good and bad about the relationship. Think about what you'd tell a friend in the same spot. Most importantly, don't lie to yourself.
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This is why it's important to have good friends in your life. When you're in a relationship you may not pick up on some of the stupid games or subplots. A trusted friend can give it to you straight without having to worry about the other person's feelings; they can be detached.
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Originally Posted by ChickenMuffin
She's also the type that may be very convincing to no end to cover up what my hunches would notice. I do understand that if she tells me the truth that she was checking out guys, and that would further lead into complications because she knows that I wouldn't really trust her anymore. She knows the outcome so therefore, she tries to pertain her innocence as much as possible, I just haven't been open about it because I do sometimes check out other women, I felt as if though everything I've done for her and she would do something small like that in front of me. Well, it's a bit disappointing and I didn't know how to react to it. There is only so much I can take but I have slowly digested all.
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ChickenMuffin, no offense to you, but is English your 2nd language? I find some of your phrases confusing.
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Originally Posted by ChickenMuffin
She had asked me if I wanted my gifts back, should I take them back?
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If it was a gift ("Happy birthday!"), it wasn't meant to be given with strings and a notarized agreement attached. If you lent her some of your stuff ("Did you hear this CD yet? You can borrow my copy so you can hear it."), then you should weigh the value of getting it back vs. the value of getting out of each other's lives.
Like others, I'm noticing a disturbing trend. It's like you were giving gifts to use as leverage, keeping track to hold the upper hand. Are you upset about losing the girl you love, or upset about losing control over a girl?
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Originally Posted by ChickenMuffin
I mean, in the long run if this chance won't ever come then should I have gotten my gifts back? We had a clean break up, no fighting or whatsoever. But I still want to turn things around, just over time.
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You shouldn't be reserving an honorable breakup for someone who's willing to return items of value to you. Whatever relationship you're ending, with a boss, GF or CPA, you should end it with integrity. You're responsible for your actions, she's responsible for hers. You can only control your actions, you
can't control hers. If she says she wants out, walk away. If it's possible to be mature when getting back the shoes you left in her closet after that day you went hiking, get them, if not, buy a new pair of shoes and write off the expense to experience.
If your speadsheet detailing who's invested more in the other can only be balanced by demanding the return of presents, find yourself a good therapist who you trust to talk about it with.
My vote is with the therapist.