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Jack
Jack gets thrown out of the pub at closing time and staggers down the road in the general direction of home.
Knowing that he's not going to make it he goes into the woods to throw-up.
He leans against a tree and brings up the last four hours of alcohol and then stands upright.
Looking down blearily he notices an old lamp sticking out of the dirt.
"Hey, some fool ha' thrown away a good lamp here," says Jack and he picks it up.
He examines the lamp and brushes off some of the dirt and grit.
There's a flash of light, plumes of smoke and a genie pops out of the lamp.
"Master," the genie booms. "You have freed me from imprisonment in the lamp. I shall grant you three wishes!"
Jack looks up at the genie and says,
"Well, Fuck me!"
History does not relate what his next two wishes were.
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