reeves_randall

Your story touched me so much I had to create an account.

First off let me say, I just found out my girlfriend had cheated on me in the past, but not too long ago (JULY.... so she says). So I'm right there with you man, SHOCK! The difference between us is that I had to search e-mail histories, and I found a cell phone she used to have and there were some texts that make me want to puke. She claims they only did it once and it was like 2 minutes, but I still don't believe shit. It's rough dude. She's out on the couch while I sit in my room, feeling at the moment alright but it's such a roller coaster. One moment I think I can forgive and forget, then I see something on tv with people making love and just wonder how she could do that and lie to me for MONTHS. I've read a lot on here about how she's not mature enough to take responsibility but don't be too hard on yourself because at least your girl told you. You didn't have to go through months and months thinking things were okay and loving her to the most you had. I know it's cliche, but there's always someone worse. I don't have cancer but my mom does. My girlfriend was kicked out of her house and moved in with us (yeah, i'm 23 and live with my mom, so what?) and we gave her everything without asking for anything. And she was still able to do this to me... It's so fucked up because if you search for advice on this subject, there are literally MILLIONS UPON MILLIONS of people out there who are going through the same thing.

The one advice I have for you, which I'm not even taking myself because I want her to stay here with me, which she does but I'm just miserable, is: IF YOU DO MOVE ON, which is sounds like you don't have a choice man, THE NEXT PERSON YOU DECIDE TO SETTLE DOWN WITH, which will be a long time from now, I know because this isn't my first time, MAKE SURE YOU GET TO KNOW HER, AND the most important part, MAKE SURE SHE'S BEEN CHEATED ON. I'll say it again.

MAKE SURE SHE HAS BEEN CHEATED ON.

I've been cheated on in some way or another by every person I've been with. It's taught me one thing. Cheating is the most miserable feeling in the world. I'm sure you felt better when they said you had %40 chance at life. This must seem to you like there is no reason for living anymore.

My point is if you haven't been cheated on, then your chances of cheating are very high. Another thing to think about is how many people have been cheated on... which means there's a good chance there's someone out there for you later on.

I know this as well as you do, that no one on here will heal your soul of the pain it's feeling, but if we band together and are a crutch for eachother, maybe we can both get through this. If you ever want to talk I'm here. I've found over the past few days that my friends who have cheated are no longer my friends because my respect for them is gone. IF YOU'VE EVER CHEATED, well.... God damnit you deserve this. The way you have spoken doesn't seem so. I hope not. And the friends I have (well, I really only talk to one buddy of mine) who have been cheated on, make me feel the best I can, which really is just polished shit.

The other thing about my personal problem was at the time she was doing all of this, we were very heavy into pills. Oxycontin and Opana mostly. I guess the guy she was with was able to get her stuff, but like fucking Methadone. It just pisses me off because it seems like she was just using me for the better stuff. I have been off of pills for a few months which for me is a milestone. It just sucks so much that once the fog has lifted, the world ends for me. I know this post is about you and all but I can't help but reach out myself because I feel like shit too. There's no easy answer and people always say just leave her, move on, ect. ect. but that's coming from someone who may not be feeling what we're feeling right now. Again, I honestly don't think you have a choice and I'm terribly sorry man. I fucking hate all this shit and I wonder sometimes if God is so powerful, why the fuck does he make my life so miserable. I know these are just shock thoughts, but god damnit it fucking hurts. I'd rather break bones than have my heart broken. I still love my girlfriend, and she says she still loves me. But she was saying that for months to me yet saying to him through txt messages "are you home? just looking for a pounding". Jesus christ I just want to die when I hear that and I can't understand why I want her around... actually I do... it's because I don't want her to be with him. But is that a good reason to stay? I'm just trying to feel better and if she's gone I'll just think the worst, but if she stays I'm still thinking the worst. Cheaters deserve to go to hell, yet the ones in hell are us. I'm not trying to sound like a victim because i'm sure I fucked up and it was partially my fault. Nothing is enjoyable anymore... I haven't eaten more than about a half of a meal's worth in FOUR DAYS. FOUR DAYS. I may die of a broken heart and an empty stomach. What a fucking way to go. I'm sorry I started this so positive sounding and am ending it like this. Do what your heart tells you to, not what anyone else says. But also remember your heart isn't her's. Fight the battle in your heart and if anyone is to blame, it's that fucker God. He/She whatever, can be a total fucking prick, but maybe it's because he wants us to be stronger. All I know is when I die and leave this world, I have a few words to say to him. And I'll have a few words to say to the loves of my life who hurt me in the worst way possible. It's all fucking bullshit man. But sometimes bullshit can be so important to our survival. Just look at the ozone crisis...