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Well you certainly don't have to wonder about being the only one. I've been there plenty of times and all of this attraction and repulsion stuff is a hard-wired and unavoidable aspect of relationships.
You'll never escape a certain amount of drama and tension but I'm thinking that so long as you guys talk it out and attempt a compromise then there's no real reason why you two can't get over these issues and onto each other.
Never ever having sex and never leaving her sounds like crazy talk to me. Certainly you want more out of life and love than that. Some occasional ass, whenever the mood strikes, isn't an unreasonable expectation. Aren't you forgetting that she should want to have sex with you?
Undoubtedly, this is a lot to unpack and consider before one can ever begin to articulate it coherently to another person but having been in a similar place, I'd start by listening to myself.
I hope this post isn't too far off the mark.
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"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian
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