Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous Member
I'm considering suicide. I have been for years. Especially the last couple of days. I am so dead inside I feel like it wouldn't even be a suicide. Just an ending of a biological organism.
I have little support. Ive been seeing a psychiatrist and counselor for several years and they really haven't helped. So even though they're technically supporting me, I don't feel I'm receiving support.
I don't speak to my Dad but once about 1.5 times a month. He's never very encouraging.
My mom just flat out refuses to talk about anything dark.
My "good" friends never even ask how I'm doing after Ive told them about my afflictions.
I just feel alone and dead already. Trying to think, what's to stop me? I mean, really, why shouldn't I? Emotional turmoil from family is the only thing really stopping me I think. But then again that life. Death is a part of it. We all die sometime.
This crushing depression I've had for years is just using up the last of my willpower.
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I think you shouldn't do it.
You say you've been seeing a psychiatrist and counselor, but they haven't helped. Why not look for new ones? Therapeutic relationships need chemistry, just like other relationships. I've been in therapy several times, and each time I had to carefully shop around for therapists that I felt really comfortable with, and with whom I just connected, and felt like they got me and could help me get to where I needed to go.
Have you tried antidepressants? You'd need to get your dosage regulated just right by a good psychopharmacologist, which can take a while, but they can do great things. My wife is on an antidepressant-- she has been since I've known her-- and she says they changed her life, and very much for the better.
But my point is, even if things have been really hard for a long time, that doesn't mean that they can't change, or won't change if you want to work on changing them.
I'm not going to defend your family's problems, or your friends' refusal to hear what they need to help you with. There's no excuse.
But they're not the only people out there: you never know who you might meet tomorrow, or next month, or next year. It could be the lifelong friend-of-the-soul that you've always wanted, or the love of your life, or just some people who are better at giving a damn.
And no one can ever tell where their life is going to take them, what kind of meaning or fulfillment they might find down the road. The last time I thought about suicide was twenty years ago, and I was dreadfully unhappy and depressed. My family sucked, I didn't have a girlfriend, it didn't seem like I could get any respect, and I just didn't see it getting better.
But it did. Not overnight, and not without a lot of inner work. But it did. I would hate to have missed out on what my life brought me.
Don't do it.