Originally Posted by Jetée

I just wait. I'm never not waiting for something to do.

I'm not sure when it started, but it has been longstanding for a while: I don't think; not unless prompted first.
Maybe I've become too full with languages, compromises, regret, trivial nonsense, a-ha moments, historical analysis, contradictory existentialistic optimism, and the passing fancies that growing up in five separate decades accumulates within one... when you just want to to shut everything else out, and yes, become hollow, alone and dismayed once more (somehow, though, this can factually be likened to spiritual freedom).

I've also noticed I've forgotten how to get angry anymore. I have endless patience, but if I need to be bothered to assess my situation (which is usually always a daily hopelessness) in rational means, ie, think about, it, then do I click on my meter of agitation.

I don't know. Thinking about what I wanted to accomplish today, and what actually came to happen, where I am right now, and the circumstances to which I've now added another wasted day into the queue of "makeup" days that is now nearing who knows many intangible years of effort now, it just gets me to feeling like I'm falling. If it's alright, I'd take the falling part for a while if it allows me to forget how I came to be there in the first place.