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pan6467 · 02-10-2011, 04:43 PM

As for suicide, overall, I feel if someone truly wants to die for even a reason known only to them.... then by all means, I'm ok with their decision. Doesn't mean I'll let them "jump", I do have some compassion, I'd try to talk them out of it. But for some people even what the vast majority may find fulfilling someone may find depressing and how do you convince that person, life will get better?

To me, my mind is everything.... the body has always been secondary. I'm clumsy, uncoordinated and not exactly a great looking or well built man. So, if I lose the mind and my memories, I don't truly see having a quality of life, I want.

It's like when I worked in detox and saw people with missing hands who worked carpentry. They turned to addiction to hide from the pain of not being able to do that which they loved.

I love Scrabble, Risk and Chess, games that challenge my mind. Because physically, I truly cannot compete (although my body did make it through bootcamp). If I feel I cannot compete mentally anymore than what is my use in living? I cannot nor will not turn to drugs..... almost went there with the percocets a few weeks ago, thinking that with a picc line straight into a vein and knowing people, I could start shooting up. But, my mind thankfully made me decide differently. I was able to rationalize, (which for an addict I done did good, no my addiction was not in drugs or alcohol, but gambling it'll be 12 years March 20th), that using anything this late in my life especially for the first time would be foolish and cause me more troubles. I'm not Keith Richards or Ozzy and don't have millions. Plus, again, how would it affect that which I want to protect the most, my mind and (psuedo, to some) sanity. It would affect it negatively.

It's bad enough getting into a car and within 5 minutes forget where you wanted to go, so you drive around for 2 hours hoping to remember and sadly, you don't.

I do not want to live like that for another 30+ years because medical science lets me. To me that is not quality. If I can no longer do a suduku, play the games I love, do a crossword puzzle or be who I am, challenging my mind, then I no longer truly have any desire to be alive. It's a personal choice. Just as assisted suicide helps those who are physically and terminally ill, without being able to do what I love and be who I am, to me that is every bit as bad as last stages of cancer (and I am not implying that last stages of cancer necessarily = death... it is attitude and desire to live that may prolong that person's life). Last thing I want is someone to comment, "Hey Pan, what do you know about last stages of cancer? A relative/friend/co worker/whomever of mine supposedly had it and never gave up and is still alive today 10 years later with no cancer."

Emotional and psychological pain I have dealt with enough in my life and have found ways to be stronger, we all have our bullshit rationalizations. Mine was rationalizing the pain and overcoming it. We all have our bullshit rationalizations that only we, the individual, will ever understand, good bad or indifferent.

I leave with a Woody Allen quote, I find very appropriate for this topic: You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

02-10-2011, 04:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
pan6467 Lennonite Priest Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA	As for suicide, overall, I feel if someone truly wants to die for even a reason known only to them.... then by all means, I'm ok with their decision. Doesn't mean I'll let them "jump", I do have some compassion, I'd try to talk them out of it. But for some people even what the vast majority may find fulfilling someone may find depressing and how do you convince that person, life will get better? To me, my mind is everything.... the body has always been secondary. I'm clumsy, uncoordinated and not exactly a great looking or well built man. So, if I lose the mind and my memories, I don't truly see having a quality of life, I want. It's like when I worked in detox and saw people with missing hands who worked carpentry. They turned to addiction to hide from the pain of not being able to do that which they loved. I love Scrabble, Risk and Chess, games that challenge my mind. Because physically, I truly cannot compete (although my body did make it through bootcamp). If I feel I cannot compete mentally anymore than what is my use in living? I cannot nor will not turn to drugs..... almost went there with the percocets a few weeks ago, thinking that with a picc line straight into a vein and knowing people, I could start shooting up. But, my mind thankfully made me decide differently. I was able to rationalize, (which for an addict I done did good, no my addiction was not in drugs or alcohol, but gambling it'll be 12 years March 20th), that using anything this late in my life especially for the first time would be foolish and cause me more troubles. I'm not Keith Richards or Ozzy and don't have millions. Plus, again, how would it affect that which I want to protect the most, my mind and (psuedo, to some) sanity. It would affect it negatively. It's bad enough getting into a car and within 5 minutes forget where you wanted to go, so you drive around for 2 hours hoping to remember and sadly, you don't. I do not want to live like that for another 30+ years because medical science lets me. To me that is not quality. If I can no longer do a suduku, play the games I love, do a crossword puzzle or be who I am, challenging my mind, then I no longer truly have any desire to be alive. It's a personal choice. Just as assisted suicide helps those who are physically and terminally ill, without being able to do what I love and be who I am, to me that is every bit as bad as last stages of cancer (and I am not implying that last stages of cancer necessarily = death... it is attitude and desire to live that may prolong that person's life). Last thing I want is someone to comment, "Hey Pan, what do you know about last stages of cancer? A relative/friend/co worker/whomever of mine supposedly had it and never gave up and is still alive today 10 years later with no cancer." Emotional and psychological pain I have dealt with enough in my life and have found ways to be stronger, we all have our bullshit rationalizations. Mine was rationalizing the pain and overcoming it. We all have our bullshit rationalizations that only we, the individual, will ever understand, good bad or indifferent. I leave with a Woody Allen quote, I find very appropriate for this topic: You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. __________________ I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"