Is this the thread where we're posting responses? I was confused. Somebody pulled a Plan9 and posted the exact same thing in two different places.
*cracks knuckles, cues up Guns and Roses' You Could Be Mine*
Let's do this thing:
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Originally Posted by chelle21689
I've been with my bf for 5.5 years but 2.5 years long distance. I've supported him in the Army for 2 years now. We've also been good friends 2 years prior to dating.
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2.5 years of distance = worth absolutely nothing. Distance means doodly squat. Being there is the only time that counts.
I speak as someone that knows; most of my relationships have involved a distance factor as well as the military and college.
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Originally Posted by chelle
I know I had a history on here about writing about my jealousy issues but surprisingly we've gotten through all of that. So please don't judge this break up on the past things I wrote.
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Too late. And I'm not trying to be a dick. People judge you on what you write. It's that simple. If you're not comfortable with what you're putting out there... don't dump it out in public in the first place or at least erase it later when you come to your senses. Hell, TFP auto-erases most of my posts.
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Originally Posted by chelle
Well, anyways...3 days ago my ex begs me to get on Skype. He was crying really hard like I've never seen so I knew something bad was going to happen to us. He told me that lately his feelings changed in the past month and that he tried so hard for it to come back. When I visited him, the feelings didn't come back...and he said it wasn't fair to drag me along when he felt this way.
I asked if there was someone else or if he cheated and he said "no" and that he has no idea why this happened. He thinks maybe the Army and long distance caught up to him... But since we've known each other for soooo many years, he does not want me to disappear from his life and would like to be friends. We've always been open and honest with each other no matter how difficult.
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First: Man + crying = total pussy. Don't trust this individual.
Yeah, this relationship is so done the fork bounces off it.
Also: He's using you the way a toddler uses a teddy bear.
If you two aren't in a titled relationship, he's just stringing you along. Don't waste your time playing undercover emotional cuddle buddy.
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Originally Posted by chelle
So, lately he's been keeping in contact with me through text. I can tell we're still sad about the relationship ending...I don't know why he's sad when he broke up with me. Today, I was the one that contacted him..he seems to be keeping friends around to distract him. He seems happy on Facebook but when I talk to him he sounds stressed. Looking at his Facebook makes me so sad and feel like he's happy with all his silly statuses...but he told me that he'll monitor his Facebook of girl's writing hurtful things or tagged pics. Then he asked if I could do the same...I said okay. So that no one feels jealous...
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Ever hear the Meme "cut all contact, delete facebook, hit the gym?" It applies here so hard it'll make a popping noise when it falls off your forehead.
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Originally Posted by chelle
I don't want to do "no contact", but I feel like it's necessary to stop the habit of us talking every day from the past 5.5 years. I am scared to death of losing him for good as a friend or anything. We've been eachother's confidant. He begged me not to do this but then later said if I had to do this go ahead but if he needed to talk to me any that I should call no matter what.
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Define friend. I mean, basically, he's asking for your hand with his left while he's probably fingerbanging another girl with his right?
And, like that medicine that tastes like death you turned your nose up to as a kid, you don't want to do that which is best for you.
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Originally Posted by chelle
I talked to him tonight, and I still feel like we're on good terms and the communication is widely open but we're still hurting. I feel happy talking to him but then I don't know if this is best idea and I'm not sure if this makes it harder to move on???
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"I don't want her, but I'll string her along so she can't have anybody else and nobody else will even want her." - Your Boy
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Originally Posted by chelle
I'm so confused. I like being able to talk to him about everything and anything...I'm scared doing "no contact" will cause us to lose what we had at the beginning of our friendship (before dating) when we could talk about anything and everything.
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You were friends before dating? Okay, things need to go back to that level and then two steps back. It'll never be the same, but you have to restrict your thoughts/feelings and make sure he does the same. After you ignore him for a good 6 months (or preferably several years), you can try to be friends again. Just maybe adults can go back to that level on a limited basis with particular circumstances. I talk to some of my exes occasionally and I try keep my bitterness toward their infidelity and my constant thoughts about how awesome that thing they did with their ass was to myself. That and I won't see them face to face in the next 100 years. We bullshit about the weather and jobs. They say they miss talking with me like its supposed to mean something other than "sorry I fucked some other dude." It's friendly enough and about as hollow as that big chocolate bunny you chomp on Easter.
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Originally Posted by chelle
So frustrating! What should I do??? We can't monitor our Facebook pages forever just to keep the other from feeling jealous! I keep looking at his wall too... Why the hell does he seem to be so sad and stressed out when HE BROKE up with me? He compared himself (during this break up) to a bike with a pedal missing to keep him going and that he felt that his change of feelings weren't meant to be but happened. That this wasn't suppose to happen. But like he said, he felt guilty about kissing and hugging me as if he was lying to me when he wasn't in love.
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Let's pretend that social media networks don't exist. He doesn't want to commit to you. I'd suggest you stop playing emo cutter on Faceyspace.
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Originally Posted by chelle
Also when he leaves for training for his deployment in June, I agreed that if by then we're "okay" and not seeing anyone that I will visit him before he deploys to Afghanistan. I can't bare the thought of not seeing him one last time if he were to die or be seriously injured..... Ugh, visiting? We've always had a big sexual attraction so I think I'll wear a chastity belt when I visit haha..
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Hopefully he won't be lying to you about whatever strange he has on the side so he can get so a shot of Yer Olde ('n Familiar) Booty.
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I don't know how old you are or what kind of relationships you've had before but you seem like you need a big dose of New Guy. Online dating - GO!
Army dudes with deployments? Bad investment. It's like college, except you can't spend your weekend driving 8 hours to bang him on a twin mattress.
Follow KirStang's advice.
You need to cut all contact with this dude and get out and meet somebody new. It'll suck, but you're totally twisting your own knife right now.
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Originally Posted by KirStang
If you two are truly over, then in order to move on, the two of you need to wash your minds of the memories associated with each other. IIRC, the psych texts in college said that part of the pain associated with breaking up is the cognitive dissonance created by seeing something once associated with your mate, with the concomitant realization that your mate's no longer there.
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So, it's like not wanting to get out the fart-filled sleeping bag you're in right now because it'll be cold for the ten seconds it takes you to get into the new one? Let's call that the comfort factor, the convenience factor. Keeping old pussy on emotional standby is the tactic of douchebags with mommy issues.