Car Guy
Hi ... You're going for a solution which will respect your family, you and your sister in law. By your actions now, you are DIMINISHING the probability of any Last Resorts, or panicky anguishes.
You say "I will admit-it will be a difficult thing for me to do but I have started to look up some names of counsellors." Yup. It IS kind of easier when everything's falling round your ears and everyone around you is upset - there's that I'M DROWNING feeling - makes it far easier to shout for help. However, what you're doing is choosing the Difficult Path of pre-emptively striking the problem, in ways which make more likely a far less difficult future. I totally applaud that you are taking this step at this point ... and in acknowledging that you're finding it a difficult thing to do, and yet you're doing it anyway ... well ... swelp me! You're demonstrating here and you that you're the kind of guy who can and WILL do difficult things .... whatever it takes to get this sorted. Your wife sounds like a great person and so does her sister. Heck ... you've got a lovely family and are going to do right by all of them.
You're looking up some names. Hokay. If you're able to talk about specific counsellors with any of your friends who might have been to one, that would be good. I'm not talking about "Oh Car-Guy ... my therapist is Sooo good ... I've been seeing him/her three times a week for the last 6 years .... he/she's Sooo supportive, and is evening finding time to fit me in for a fourth sessions per week." ... noooooo not that. Such therapists do exist and are NOT the ones for you.
The ideal reference is something like "I saw them for a few months and am now feeling more like I know what I want to do and how to do it. Initial sessions were twice a week for a couple of weeks, but rapidly went down to once a week and then once every two weeks. After three months, we agreed that I should see how things go and make an appointment in three months time for feedback and debriefing, though I was free to call to ask questions if need be." Also "The therapist and I discussed what I wanted to achieve, What EVIDENCE would count as success at different stages ... evidence which early as possible would let me know a: what progress meant, and b: the extent to which I was progressing." This is important, so you know whether to go back for a second session.
Those are minimum requirements. Now ... my personal insistence takes it further than some therapists would be comfortable with: the therapist should be willing to sort that out in the first phone call, or, during an arranged phone call or meeting BEFORE money changes hands. My view is that YOU are interviewing a future employee, and they have to have ways of satisfying you that they can do the specific job you will be paying them for. The kind of counsellor I reckon you need is one who is hungry to enable you to identify and solve problems, and whose keenest intent is that you should find your 'best thinking' and your 'strongest feeling' so YOU may make YOUR best decisions, and have the clarity and discipline to follow those decisions AT THE SAME TIME AS being very sensitive to feedback ... ie what specific effect it has on each person concerned - including you.
My bottom line to this post is this "How to choose a counsellor" is an important skill. I've given you my one person's perspective. However, if you, as thread starter are OK with this ... how's about other posters share their views on what considerations are important when choosing a counsellor? For you are already beginning to look at names, and I want you to be fully resourced when you pick up that phone to give a few of them an interview prior to choosing one or two to try out.
Respect and best wishes to you
