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Thanks for your replies, and know that they are taken seriously. My family is such a fragile thing to start with, and we are all so messed up, from the ground up, that it is hard to honestly address these things with them. There is so much anger and pain and fear in them, that reasonable conversation takes so much out of us. Parents in denial never helped, and I don't see that ending. I'm guessing that their upbringings were similar, in many ways.
If I can talk to him, I'm going to beg him to tell his daughter it was all his fault, that he was the one who did wrong, and that she is blameless. From experience though, I don't know if the child will believe it, but I'm hopeful. Therapy is something I believe in, and brutal honesty... I don't think I would have made it into adulthood, if I had lied to myself like my siblings have continued to do.
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