Hi Shauk
Well. I'm confused now! You were invited over to watch a film with She Who May Become Your Girlfried, but ended up in an impromptu multiplayer social drama.
I'll add qualification to my initial optimistic prediction: Her starting by introducing you to her girlfriends, I took, in my other post, to be evidence of 'openness' and 'honesty'. Fair enough. The invited one finds him/self in 'the Other Person's World,' and it's an opportunity for social witnessing and double checking.
However, it could also be evidence of ChimpsTeaPartyOPhilia ... which, in this case, could consist in, for those two women, confused boundaries or even a lack of them altogether, or undeclared strands in their relationship which are ripe for being acted-out, but 'need' other players in order for that to happen. The unsuspecting Guest arrives, Nothing is what it said on the ticket, and he does not know WTFs going on or what to expect.
Bear in mind that my thoughts are skewed ... I've been described by one chimpanzee I know as "Teutonic and rigid." And I've described the person who said that to me as "Chimpanzee." I'd have TOTALLY HATED having the evening you describe. BUT, there are some who'd say "hey, CHILL 'bro, don't be so uptight." OK, I've declared what I perceive to be my skew. I find those people to be crazymaking, because, as Guest, I've become an UNWILLING witness/participant in THEIR confusion.
You're already good at getting confused [I'm presuming that from your below-avatar sig, and I'll abjectly apologise if I've presumed inappropriately]. She put her initial situation on the table "I got a girlfriend, " then "Maybe I'll leave her for you," then "WHOAH ... .SHE's LEFT ME, " then "Come over to my place to watch a film" which transformed into "You are in my place where she's be with HER BOYFRIEND Who's she's been on and off with for many years, and a bunch of others." She's not done much to support YOU in any goals you may have about clarity in your life.
Her LapDancing you is, I am sure demonstrating her fondness for you, but may also have had some elements of 'Message to her Ex-girlfriend'. Dang.
Dammit ... I think I'll just apologize right now. I don't think I've got anything useful or balanced to say at the moment. My guts are churning and in your place, I, with my history and habits would get back home and then be going "I run the risk of being dragged down the rabbit hole and into the Someone Else's Vortex ." I'd be scared of the possibility that I might be being emotionally entrapped into becoming a bit-payer in her family drama.
Actually, Damn my Dammit. You had a disturbing evening and here you are. I'm going to have to sacrifice my attempts to be coherent. I'm going to ramble and hope to heck it will be useful. ROFTLMAOUIV! ... at this moment, I'm hoping to Heck that it will even be Relevant. Here goes:
I, too, would have definitely been sitting a bit outside and overthinking. Hmmmm 'overthinking'. Sometimes, when I do overthinking, it's because I need more information and when I've got it, stuff gets clear enough. Then there's times when I'm overthinking, and it's because my feelings are Clear, but my head's trying to do something it needn't. Eg, I might feel/judge "There's something rotten in the state of Denmark," or "This is weird/not right," And I might feel/feel 'torn/knotted/displaced/tripped up'. BUT, my thinking would be in a state of "What's Going On" and "I Believe that I have a hope in hell of working it out". At the time, I certainly feel I Need to, because sitting in mixup and confusion Hurts - it feels bad.
Hmmm. OK, Shauk - I'm coming to a tentative conclusion, or at least forcing my thinking toward something solid.
You are no longer in a 'cheating/not cheating' scenario.
You are in an out-in-the-open WTF scenario
A big dose of ????head-scratching???? is part of your private relationship with her ... she has questions she wants you to become involved in.
A big dose of ????head-scratching???? is now part of your public/social relationship with her.
And here's a tentative recommendation. Tentative, because as I utter it, I can feel the web strands vibrating from my own insecurities, but I'll deliver it:
Have there been times in your life when you've 'lost yourself' ... been in the midst of something that occupied your attention even unto your 'soul'. Maybe you'd have ONLY realized AFTERWARD that you'd been 'in' something like that.
Now, have there been times in your life when you have been 'in' something like that At the Same Time as knowing 'We Ain't In Kansas any more, Toto' ?
Now have there been times like the above, but where you've kept firm grasp on your OWN Certainties and your Own confusions/unresolved stuff? Not times when you felt great and competent, just times when you've felt 'YOU' ... warts and all. The essential thing being that they're YOUR warts and all. YOUR life story which ... you were living it Before this situation, and will be living it Afterward ... whether or not she will be part of it.
I'd like you to consolidate your sense of your OWN life story before and after each contact you have with her. You IN your Own life. Before and after texts, phonecalls, meetings in public, or your place, or her place. When she goes out through a doorway, when she returns. No more than ten seconds before, and about thirty seconds after to link back to the ten seconds before. You may then have a great time, a shit time, or a confusing time, but it will always be the case that 'YouAndHer' will become the filling in a 'You' sandwich.
You ever read the Odyssey? Odysseus decides to take the boat home. There's the Sirens over there and they're attractive and good singers, but he's heard they're dangerous. "Tie me to the mast," he says ... cos then, though he'll feel the pull, he won't get lost. He'll stay safe and retain his ability to navigate. The mast is your present knowing of you. Whether you like the mast as it is, or whether it is a mast you are wanting to improve, it is your mast.
Mind you, Shauk, this is an experiment I've cobbled together. The purpose is obviously so you can 'protect yourself' into a position whereby you may less uncomfortably do what you need to do right both by her, by both of you, and by you. However, it is devised in response to only a few posts by you on this forum, and by a n00b, for Cripe's sake, who hasn't developed perspective through a robust backlog of shared history with you. Therefore, given that its results will extend beyond what we can predict for this situation, we need to keep close check on the process and, as you implement it your feedback how it alters your experience is essential.
Heh ... you were feeling overthinky at her place.
Well, you've described the kind of stuff which brings me to my knees - and not in a fun way - so I've gone and overthinkified myself now. Therefore I'd better call this post my 'response-in-progress', close it, and
and ....er .... ?
What was I doing up until I read your post and composed my response?
I'd been familiarizing myself with the Tilted Playground, transferring my viola recording to my editing software, and converting to mp3 my reading of Ch10 of Wuthering Heights.
Phew! OK, now I'll add a doumbek part to the viola and start practicing for Ch 11 of WH.
And Shauk ... I bet you can remember stuff YOU were in the middle of getting on well before you got on the computer and read this post ...
OH ..... are you in contact with her this evening or tomorrow?
Take care
