Uuuuuhhh...
what the hell?
May I suggest you
read this post on male masturbation to gain some perspective. I linked it above and I think it helps explain the issue well.
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Originally Posted by Ananas
You have a roommate, so I assume he sees her on a frequent basis. Do you feel "strange" when your roommate and boyfriend are in the same room together now? Ditto for the friends. Have your relationships with your friends changed because of this?
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Let's, for the sake of argument, suggest "No" because everybody involved is
an adult.
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Originally Posted by Ananas
Have you told your roommate and friends about this? If so, how did they react?
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Say what? That's just straight rude and totally out of bounds. Fantasy is fantasy. If I told every woman that I've ever masturbated to that I've done such, I probably wouldn't have any friends between the women themselves and their partners. Society has this complicated system called "tact" where we don't truth the shit out of each other because despite what we're taught in grade school, telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth doesn't apply to real life. How does telling the roommate/friends help this girl deal with her boyfriend's masturbation fantasies? It just pisses everybody off.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by Ananas
How do you act around these people now, knowing that your boyfriend not only has pictures of them, but uses their pictures to fuel his masturbation fantasies? If it's making you feel uncomfortable around your friends (and him), then that needs to be explained to him (again). It's a relationship, should be built on trust, comfort, understanding, compromise, etc. I think it's time he compromises, respects your feelings about this, gets rid of the photos, and finds some new (preferably unknown to both of you) subjects to store on his computer.
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Paradox time: Let's say this girlfriend never "snooped" and never discovered the pictures, does it change how the boyfriend masturbates?
And great, let's have the insecure women of the world dictate to what their boyfriends should be masturbating. In some cases, not at all.
Are you suggesting that the OP should hop on Reddit's GoneWild and get some similar-but-not fap material?
That's ridiculous.
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Originally Posted by Ananas
I think he transgressed the bounds of a relationship. It's one thing to have private (or even shared) fantasies about friends or other people close to us, but it sounds like he's being an opportunist when he decides to make these fantasies into stored images. He wouldn't have met these people, except through you, so taking photos of them (you didn't say how he got the photos) to add to his permanent collection for his secret masturbation purposes doesn't sound that good - at all. This isn't fantasy at all - fantasy would connote impermanence; the fact that he can constantly return to stored images does not spell impermanence to me. I bet you're going to be extra sensitive next time you see him shooting pics of your friends at a party.
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Because stored images are a much greater crime than fantasy? I think the fantasy is the disease, porn just the symptom.
And fantasy doesn't connote impermanence for many of us. I've cuffed the cervix-stabber to the same fantasies for years.
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Originally Posted by Ananas
He wasn't being too open and honest about this activity in the first place; otherwise, he would have told you up front.
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Why should be honest about a private habit? Masturbation is a private habit for many men because some women make it shameful.
That'd be like a woman confessing to thinking about a former lover during sex. What good does it do the relationship? Oh yeah,
none.
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Originally Posted by Ananas
His reaction when you asked about the pictures says quite a bit -- he acted guilty.
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...because some women make it shameful.
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Originally Posted by Ananas
If these are your standards, then you live by them and do not adjust them to accommodate someone else who, quite frankly, may not be around for a significant period of your life. Sounds like he's got some maturing to do in regards to relationships and friendships, how they should work, and how to maintain them.
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So it's okay to fap to pictures of one thing but not the other? And being honest shows this guy was a lot more mature than I was the last time I was "busted." Any man that can deal with an invasion of privacy like that without flipping a shit is a smooth operator. "Yeah, I beat off to it. So what?" Giant brass balls. Guy definitely hasn't been beat down by society's conundrum of XXX Porn Everywhere but Masturbation is Shameful bullshit. Hallelujah.
The best approach?
"Yeah, I masturbate. And you watch chick flicks. Same goddamn thing. I don't need justification. Or your dirty looks."
I'd like to buy this dude a beer.
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In the spirit of full disclosure, I should state that I haven't masturbated thinking about anybody in this thread. Hope that helps our future discussions.