As a child, I was often locked in my room due to misbehavior. Granted, I must've been a toughie as I had major tantrums but my mom was ill-equipped to handle them. My parents believed in corporal punishment and I was whipped on my bare ass with dad's belt quite often; my mom would slap my face with the back of her hand in public.
I hated my parents while growing up but had a close neighbor who was very loving and never physically disciplined her 5 kids. Her strict but loving parenting style was what I vowed to utilize when I became a parent. And I have.
I've never laid a hand on my kids. There were some issues with my first husband and my oldest, so early on there wasn't much consistency with her. But routine and consistency were crucial to the development of my younger two and and oldest a little later on. I've always talked to them in an age-appropriate manner and never had to say "because I said so". You can maintain "authority" without being an authoritarian, if that makes sense.
Was I perfect? Definitely not. I've raised my voice and thrown a thing or two across the room. But I knew that was my anger and frustration and did my best to let them know why I was upset and what my expectations would be. Their understanding and wanting to please me ensured that any particular incident wouldn't reoccur.
My feelings about it in a nutshell:
Quote:
Originally Posted by snowy
<snip> children do desire boundaries, rules, and order. Children want routine. <snip>
<snip>Executing positive discipline is a skill set, and it is a skill set I'd like to see more people cultivate. I know it's hard for some people to believe, but children can be taught how to behave without the use of fear, intimidation, or corporal punishment. <snip>
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Oh and by the way, my oldest made the decision to move in with her father on her 18th birthday. At the time, I felt a lot of guilt, thinking I had been a horrible parent. Only months later, she admitted that aside from having me right there to talk to, she missed the discipline the most.