You just sound like a concerned parent and a little unwilling to let loose the apron strings.
Having never raised a child I can only give you what my parents gave me. My mother was the reasonable one, my stepdad thought he was a Marine drill Sargent. We didn't get along very well, but we had mutual respect. My brother, a year younger than me, was like a chain around my ankle through most of my youth. If I was doing something (which I usually was), and he wasn't, then I always had to take him with me. We had completely different interests, so neither of us enjoyed this very much. As a result, it wasn't until we were in our late 20's or 30's that we became friends. Now he's one of my best friends. But that relationship had to happen on it's own, not dictated by our parents. The more they tried to put us together, the less we liked each other. We gained respect for each other only after having been apart for a few years and coming into our own in life. Our friendship grew from there.
Once I was in my teens, curfew was 10 weekdays, midnight weekends unless otherwise arranged. Then after a few, shall we say unacceptable incidents, the rules changed. Instead of tougher rules and earlier curfews, my parent took another direction, let him learn consequences. I had no curfew, but if I got into trouble, I had to get myself out of trouble. Best thing that ever happened to me. I'm not saying I didn't get into anymore trouble, but I learned really quick that there are consequences to my actions. Which daily, to this day, serves my best interests.
What I found was living by 'my' rules, made everything my fault, good or bad. I had no one else to blame or credit for what happened. The consequences are all mine and it was my first real step into adulthood. When I got an 'A' it was all me and taught me I could do anything I wanted if I put the effort in. If I failed, it was all mine because I didn't try hard enough. I took that step when I was 14. By the time I was 18, I lived on my own, had bought my first car and had several jobs under my belt. I did not walk into the world 'Naked' out of high school.
I think it also helped my relationship with my parents. When I was 16 I had a few run-ins with the law. When I called from jail, it was to let my parents know where I was and that I was ok. Not for them to bail me out. That may sound extreme, but you would be surprised at just how easy it is to end up in jail. Like, telling a cop he's a Dick.
That doesn't work out very well. Instead of being mad, they thanked me for the call and asked what they could do to help. This was a complete 180 from the first couple of times I got in trouble.
That independence and freedom to grow and learn has been invaluable to me through out my life. I'm stronger, smarter and better prepared for any situation that may arise. It taught me to think on my feet and relish new experiences.
I could go on, but you don't need my life history.
TL;TR: Give her, her freedom and she will blossom. Tie her down and she will forever be someones anchor (not in a good way).
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