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I'm with Craven. I think the answer's crystal clear, even to you. Frankly, I'm surprised it's been tolerated this long. If you've invested so much in the relationship with her sister, one can only imagine what your wife has lost.
It may seem difficult to back off at this point, but if you think of it as investing in your marriage and giving to your wife the intimacy she's missed all these years. It sounds as though the intimacy was may have been meant in the light of helpfulness at first, but it's grown over the years, which likely means the loss of intimacy with your wife has been slow and painful.
Be thankful that she's stood by you all this time and fix it before it's too late. Let your sister-in-law find someone else for the intimacy she needs.
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain
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