Quote:
Originally Posted by roachboy
i'm not a particularly anxious person.
but i tend sometimes to avoid difficult things for a while.
so if i am anxious about something, it will often not be obvious to me either that anything like that is up or that i am avoiding anything.
generally, once i figure it out, i'll try to change the situation.
but it can take a few running starts to get there.
it's the strangest thing.
back in the day when i was broke, this would get me in trouble.
one of the things that made me nervous was being broke.
one of the ways i would avoid it was by acting as though i wasn't.
i still have to force myself to look at by bank balance, and if i don't force myself, i can go for extended periods without checking once.
this despite the fact that my material situation is quite different than it once was.
it's a carryover i think.
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This is very close to the way I deal with things. In fact, I would do the same exact thing with my bank balance...when I had a bank account. I would only check when I had to make a decision about purchasing something and wasn't sure how much cushion was there. The only thing more terrifying than seeing in cold, black and white numbers how broke I was was the thought of overdrawing my account and making things exponentially worse.
I don't really fear any people, places, events, situations in particular, but I do have to deal with unexplained anxiety from time to time that I then have to backtrack and investigate to discover the source of. It's almost always some sort of personal dissonance that I failed to deal with sufficiently. Once dealt with the feeling dissipates.
That's not to say that I'm impulsive or that I don't take precautions to keep myself and people in my care safe from harm, just that the bad things that could occur rarely cross my mind.
---------- Post added at 03:46 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:33 PM ----------
One very real and forthcoming fear I will have to deal with once I am a nurse is the fear of medication errors - possibly harming, possibly killing someone in my care due to an oversight. On the one hand it's disquieting and on the other I hope I continue to fear it every single time I administer medication to a patient for the length of my career.